#FakeNunes preview: Syracuse Orange vs Pitt Panthers

Photo by Justin Berl/Getty Images

If it’s Wednesday, then you know it’s time for #FakeNunes preview. All the #jokesandgarbage you need to get ready for this week’s Syracuse Orange game.

Opponent: Pittsburgh Panthers

Location: Pittsburgh, PA. (Did you know that three rivers meet in Pittsburgh?)

Students: 26,488

The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.


Pitt’s wearing these retro beauties and it makes you wonder 1) why don’t they wear these full-time? and 2) when will Syracuse bring back the script across all sports?

Syracuse has kept things mostly traditional this year and since we won’t find out until the end of the week, we’ll guess that it will be white helmets, white tops with orange pants.

Advantage: Gotta go with the Pitt Script on this one.

NCAA Football Playability:

Qadree Ollison’s one of those versatile backs you could use to control the ball but Syracuse has more weapons on both sides of the ball to make your games much more enjoyable. Plus, the Orange have a magician.

Advantage: Syracuse because you play to win the game in an entertaining fashion.

Football Program Hashtag:

#OITNF vs #H2P and #LockTheGates

Why do schools feel the need to overcomplicate these things? Nothing wrong with #H2P for Hail to Pitt, but #LockTheGates is way too similar to Shafer’s Lock the Gate mantra. And Pitt has tried to kill Shafer in the past.

Advantage: Syracuse because simple is better

Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture

Gene Kelly vs Vanessa Williams

This week’s battle between talented artists known for their singing and acting. It’s always difficult to compare eras but you’d be Dreamin if you think we’re heading out of Comfort Zone and not taking anyone but Vanessa....and if you think I’m out of bad Vanessa song title puns just remember I went and Saved the Best for Last

Advantage: My Miss America Vanessa

Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball

We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions. Current Prediction Record (4-1)

Syracuse 44 Pitt 20: Here are my four downs of reasoning

1) 2001- its time to banish those demons of our last win on pitt soil when our very own Troy Nunes lead us to an epic victory.

2) #LocktheGates- threw up in my mouth countless times seeing this hashtag surface on social media for the new Meathead U in the ACC. We will come out and put up a 21-0 spot before they even run a complete series of plays. We will make them want to lock themselves in the locker room by halftime and not come out.

3) Homecoming- so they made this homecoming in the off season before they knew we would be a national power. Okay then? I get it.... the only sad thing is when The Homecoming Queen falls for Eric Dungey and he puts up a 30/35 400 and 4 TD performance.

4) Stakes couldn’t be higher- chance at a coveted 5th win that we haven’t seen in a few years at Syracuse, a win vaults us into the top 10 IMO. Man oh man what a huge, epic game ahead.

Enjoy it Syracuse we got 7 left 8 if we make our own luck. Let’s goooooooo

Douglas DeFelice-USA TODAY Sports

Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB

If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.

“When you look at his numbers nothing jumps out at you but somehow Kenny Pickett’s going to land on a NFL roster and when he does I’ll be waiting to add to my INT totals.”

Victory Cigar Meter

6/10 Narduzzi’s probably sick of hearing about Dino and the life he’s injected into the Syracuse program. He probably longs for those 17-13 battles against his good friend Shafer when football was about lining up and just out-toughing your opponent.

Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter

3/10 Just not enough here when you’re expected to win and you’re playing a 12:30 game on the regional networks.


Before we get to this week let’s look back at last week’s prediction and we’ll apologize for not calling for a close win. Sometimes we forget how much power we yield here.

As long as the Orange can stay focused early they can ramp up the pressure.....but in the end that Tigers D-line looks too formidable to go down for a second year in a row. Clemson escapes and Dabo is actually humble after the post-game and not doing his “Look how humble I am” act.

Syracuse needs this game as badly as the Panthers. I don’t think it will be pretty but in the end the Orange escape with a one-score win.


Eric "Steal Yo Girlfriend" Dungey

just needs to keep doing Dungey things, and we win this easily.

Their O vs our D = meh vs. meh. They’re going to run it, and probably score a few TD’s. But probably turn it over a time or 2 also.
Our O vs their D = strength vs weakness. We should light them up, like every other good team has so far.
Our ST vs. their ST = dominance vs submission. IF this is a close game for any reason, this will be why we prevail in the end.

Their home field stands will be half empty.
Oh, and Pitt is pretty much the worst team in the country in penalties and penalty yardage against.

That, along w/ ST’s is why Vegas didn’t know (what a beatdown this is gonna be) – it’s not their fault.

We're not really in a position to be mocking anyone about attendance.

Interested to see if the Dome renovations increase the crowd at all, or if that ship has just sailed for most non blue blood non southern schools.

My point was more to the fact

that it won’t be like playing at Death Valley™ (either version) in terms of being hostile enemy territory.

Getting 40k fans (which, with their current record/status, might be a streeeeeeetch) in a place that holds 68k, won’t be very daunting.
They’ve had about 34k for each of their non-Ped St home games –
they sold out for PedSt, naturally, as I’m sure it was 60-70% Nitwit Lions fans there.

So – it has quite literally been half full for games this season.

The Dome with 40k fans can be rocking and raucous. at least, as far as I can remember.
We’ve gotten 37k for FSU & UConn, which = 75% of the 49k capacity.

It’s going to hit the low 80’s in Pittsburgh on Sat.
sure hope their D is all properly hydrated!

Oh I got ya

Yea, the Dome can be pretty awesome with just 35k in it. It earns it’s name. And you cant beat the seats. While metal and the spawn of the devils cousin who owns a lot of sheet metal stock or something, it’s hard to find a bad view of the game.

On another note, when is someone going to start keeping track of "cramps". When you got a defense "cramping up" 7 or more times a game, just the one D mind you, not any of the offense or the other D… when is someone going to call bull S%^t publicly? You can hear commentators start to express doubt in their statements as well. Soccer poisoned enough other sports with that nonsense.

Listen to the IMG network radio broadcast

Those commentators are such homers they call it just like it is. Funny to listen to. That’s my favorite way to follow the games.

Three Rivers

Three rivers meet in Phoenix, NY, too, but nobody makes a big freakin’ deal out of it.

Thousands of salmon disagree


Thousands of salmon carp disagree

Know your rivers.

It's really just one river joining another

Dumb white people declared the Allegheny as its own distinct river from the Ohio.

It’s like if the Mississippi River only existed from Cairo, IL to the Gulf of Mexico, and we decided the river from Minnesota to Cairo was called the Ronald Reagan Second Amendment River of Freedom Presented by Bud Light Lime or some shit.

Go on...

It’s like if the Mississippi River only existed from Cairo, IL to the Gulf of Mexico, and we decided the river from Minnesota to Cairo was called the Ronald Reagan Second Amendment River of Freedom

Since I'm assuming

this would mean we put ESPN in charge of rivers, which rivers are NOW and which are NEXT?

Estuary and Seawater Protection Network.

I'm guessing Stephan A Smith would get confused about the Dykes he was now in charge of.

And that’s something I would want to see on TV

Good point

This is what a "real" Three Rivers looks like, dammit!

Ummmmm dude

Don’t say those sorts of things out loud… for at LEAST another two years.

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