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Welcome back, Fake Nunes fans. We know everyone’s sad but the Orange need to rally for their Oranje. Let’s get to the preview of the next Syracuse Orange opponent...
Opponent: Virginia Tech Hokies
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Students: 29,196 students who use “Enter Sandman” as their alarm
The 2021-22 Fake Nunes Equation of Tumult (#FNET)
College basketball is full of metrics that no one really fully understands so we’ll continue to give you more ridiculousness with this year’s revised FNET metric.
Head Coach Casual Bench Attire:
Mike Young looks like a financial advisor who only meets with you on Friday morning right before he leaves the office to play 36 holes. Every time you ask him about other investment options he sighs and looks at his watch.
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Jim Boeheim’s tailor isn’t mad that he’s not wearing jackets on the sideline but what about us? No one seems to care about our feelings
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Advantage: Syracuse because no one wants their retirement planning rushed so some guy can shoot 95
Uniforms:
The Hokies’ home whites are pretty clean. Good thing we aren’t rating their road look....
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Advantage: Syracuse because orange doesn’t go with maroon
Basketball Program Hashtag:
None vs #StonebyStone and #Hokies
The stone one is unique but somehow Va Tech thinks that putting a turkey emoji after Hokies makes it cooler or something. Lucky for them this is a win by forfeit.
Advantage: Virginia Tech
Best Overseas Team Name:
We look at where alums are playing pro basketball and determine the coolest name using our secret super-scientific formula.
HydroTruck Radom- Polish EBL (Ahmed Hill) vs Demir Insaat Buyukcekmece- Turkish BSL- (Andrew White)
Wonder if HydroTruck takes the court in one of those GI Joe amphibious vehicles
Advantage: Virginia Tech
Prediction:
Without Jesse Edwards Jim Boeheim promises more time for Bourama Sidibe, but when Frank Anselem picks up two early fouls, the call for small ball rings out in James Szuba’s favorite ACC road venue. Jimmy Boeheim mans the middle and both teams launch shot after shot from deep. Cuse fans find a new villain when Storm Murphy hits 5 second-half threes to give the Hokies a 6 point win over the Orange.