Whether you enjoy the series or not, we spent all last week on the site talking about how the Syracuse Orange football team could finish with any W-L record between 3-9 and 7-5. Sure, the later pieces may have been more enjoyable than the earlier ones. But really, you were holding out for projections from the internet’s smartest Orange prognosticator — my dog, James Arthur (usually referred to as “James”).
While it’s been a ruff couple years for James since he almost nailed the 2018 season, he’s back at it again and determined to right the many wrongs of recent seasons. Like a lack of treats. But also SU football struggles.
(the rest of this is written by him)
Look, I’ll reason with you: I didn’t see it coming last year. I had so much optimism, things seemed different and possibly turning a corner...
And then the other kid was born.
Oh, and your (“our?”) team was bad too. Can’t say I expected the bottom to fall out like that. I also didn’t watch a single win last year since Dad and Mom were at the child store (that’s where they come from, right?) during the only Orange win. So forgive me for lacking familiarity with much about this team. I’ve spent a lot of time hiding in the corner these past 12 months.
at Ohio Bobcats: Cats? Have mentioned this before, but what exactly do you people love about cats? I’ve seen them. They don’t seem like they even like you. They certainly don’t like me, but the feeling is mutual. W, (1-0, 0-0)
Rutgers Scarlet Knights: If the mascot is a horse, this is a loss. But it seems the mascot simply RIDES a horse. So with that in mind, I’m tempted to have this come down to whether this Scarlet Knight is willing to give me a treat or not. If not, he deserves to lose. Also, I’m not a “dawg.” Just a “dog.” W, (2-0, 0-0)
Albany Great Danes: Man’s best friend, sure. But you know who ELSE is our best friend? Other dogs. Dad’s begging me not to pick Syracuse to lose this game because apparently a loss here would “set the blog on fire” — something that seems to faze him far more than me. These aren’t just Danes, they’re Great Danes, and that guarantees you Orange-folk will lose. Sorry. L, (2-1, 0-0)
Liberty Flames: These Flames are warm, which is a positive. But also seem overly concerned about where I’m peeing and that’s a limitation I simply can’t tolerate. Consider them doused. W, (3-1, 0-0)
at Florida State Seminoles: Another mascot riding a horse. You guys have those big metal things, you know, right? They go fast and scare me, sure. But they’re also great at teleporting me to new places with new smells. Don’t want to talk about the BIGGER metal things, though. Those flying ones are terrifying. Oh, and a horse with hands here. Nope. L, (3-2, 0-1)
Wake Forest Demon Deacons: People give out treats, but this does not seem like the type of person I want a treat from. Also, is the deacon a man of the cloth here, who also happens to be a demon? Or a demon who also happens to be religious? I’m no theology major — nor could I tell you what that even is — but it seems like a question worth asking. Hand over those treats, Deacon. W, (4-2, 1-1)
Clemson Tigers: No, once again, to the cats. The older kid seems to want to find them on every morning walk and gets pretty upset when she can’t locate them. It creates a lot of noise and unpleasantness. Can’t say I’m a fan — of the noise or the cats. W, (5-2, 2-1)
at Virginia Tech Hokies: What’s a hokie? (/asks Dad) Oh, it’s a turkey. The humans only really eat turkey once a year around here, and it’s usually pretty delicious. Does a number on my stomach, however. Oh well. Worth it! W, (6-2, 3-1)
Boston College Eagles: Always want to chase birds when I see them, but they seem to get off the ground pretty quickly. Having wings seems fun. Alas, don’t have them, though could probably put them to good use in the photo above. Your team may not need them to beat these birds this time around, though. W, (7-2, 4-1)
at Louisville Cardinals: More birds? That’s a... nope. This one has teeth. Now I’m horrified. Do all birds have teeth? Are they stealing my treats? May have to let this one go. Apologies. L, (7-3, 4-2)
at NC State Wolfpack: Ah, another familiar face. You won’t trick me into picking against my fellow dog. There’s just too much history here, even if centuries of breeding smaller dogs have created quite a bit of distance on our family tree. Would the wolfpack recognize me as one of their own? To play it safe, let’s just hand over the win here. L, (7-4, 4-3)
Pittsburgh Panthers: Again with the cats. And this one likes ketchup. Dad has a strict rule against ketchup entering the home. Have never had any, but the only time I think that guy knows what he’s talking about is with regard to food, so have to respect his wishes here. W, (8-4, 5-3)
Bowl game: Pinstripe Bowl vs. Northwestern Wildcats
Picked this one on purpose just to tee up another cat. This one’s purple, for some reason. Wonder if the younger kid could take him. In any case, enjoy your supremacy over felines, Orange people. I’ll get one of them some day.
James clearly knows his stuff above, so appreciate him taking time out of his busy (?) schedule to provide some picks. He usually gets paid in belly rubs, which are worth 8 Nunesbucks apiece.