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Things more likely than a Zion Williamson return to Duke

He’s not giving up millions just because he’s going to New Orleans instead of New York.

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-First Round-Duke vs North Dakota State Jeff Blake-USA TODAY Sports

Rumors started circulating among various sports media members yesterday that Zion Williamson would consider returning to the Duke Blue Devils instead of signing with the New Orleans Pelicans. The same guy who people said should sit out after injuring his knee is going to pass on millions in endorsement money alone just because he didn’t go to the Knicks? (John sobs)

Since the best way to respond is to give this nonsense the #jokesandgarbage treatment it deserves, here’s a list of some things more likely to happen than a Zion return to college:

  • Syracuse Orange Head Coach Jim Boeheim coaches a game dressed like last day of the sales convention Mike Brey
NCAA Basketball: Miami at Notre Dame
Can you imagine Juli letting Jim look like this on the sideline?
Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports
  • The Boston College Eagles men’s basketball team makes the 2020 Final Four
  • Fans in the 100 level in the Carrier Dome don’t yell at someone standing up during the first half of a game
  • A Virginia Cavaliers fan suggests that maybe there’s a better coach for the program than Tony Bennett
  • Jim Boeheim advocates for playing the ACC Tournament in Asheville, N.C.
  • The NCAA gets serious about letting athletes earn money from their likeness
  • Dick Vitale admits that Rick Pitino shouldn’t get another college head coaching job
NCAA Basketball: ACC Conference Tournament-Louisville vs Duke
We apologize for putting all this smugness in one photo
Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
  • LaPhonso Ellis suggests that there are other ways of attacking the 2-3 zone besides getting the ball to the foul line
  • And finally, a Syracuse-Wake Forest basketball game that doesn’t feature a commercial for Bojangles or Mellow Mushroom

We could go on and on here but we’ll turn things over to you in the comments.