Hi there! Do you remember this?
Going into the weekend, I was expecting to create an objective, insightful breakdown of our bracket contest... complete with trends, projections, and peculiarities.
But then, on Day One, the Orange made an unceremonious exit.
Shortly thereafter, my bracket became a conflagration of raw sewage.
To quote the FLOTUS: “I don’t really care... do you?”
Some of you are doing quite well, and I will highlight your moment...meaningless as it is.
But this post, and likely next week’s, is for all you who, like me, are just trying to get over and get on. So, in between bracket challenge facts you don’t care care about, I’m just going to post some of my fav all-time web videos.
I have about 3 categories of videos I default to: Mind-blowingly incredible, mind-meltingly absurd, and dumb sketch comedy. You might enjoy them. You might not. Whatever. I love you.
So, like Barstool, Deadspin, SBNation, and FusionGPS I’m just going to take a bunch of other peoples’ shit and regurgitate it for you to diminishing returns.
• 1st Place currently belongs to David B. David B’s bracket is impressive. I know that not because he has 43 out of 48 correct picks, but because his bracket is called ‘My Impressive Bracket.’ David B would have an even more impressive bracket if he wasn’t one of perhaps 12 people in the country who picked Louisville to beat Minnesota.
Video 1 • PORK CHOP SANDWICHES!
• 2nd Place is solely occupied by Daryl. Hi Daryl! Daryl’s ‘Dfn money’ bracket won’t be around long, because he has Syracuse winning it all.
Video 2 • MadTV and Will Sasso’s Magnum Opus.
• 3rd is currently Joe. It just says ‘Joe’. Joe’s bracket is ‘FRANK-ly Devastating’. Not sure why the need was felt to highlight the pun, we get it. Maybe it’s actually an acronym like ‘Frequently Rants Acquires No Knowledge’. In this bracket they picked all 1s and 2s in the Elite 8...except ‘Nova. The good news for ‘Nova being out is that Jay Wright has more time to make commercials. Lord knows he needs to, it must be nice to get a paycheck after spending the rest of your year in amateur athletics.
Video 3 • Black Thought of The Roots spends 10 minutes reciting most of the English language in extemporaneous syncopation. [Language]
• Syracusedotcomguy has made a real splash lately on ‘Nunes. Not only do they have a self-aware handle, but have also shown a clear commitment to playing the part. This has carried over to the bracket challenge, where Syracusedotcomguy is DFL among those that completed brackets. ‘SDCG’ picked 4 of the Sweet 16 correctly. Interestingly, 12-seed Oregon was one of them.
Video 4-7 • SHREDS VIDEOS! If you’re new to these, don’t watch while drinking soda....or do, actually.
Video 8 • Cleanse your palate with this:
• NOTENT NOTABLES • Cassillo’s Disloyal Bracket: 9th, [12 of 16], Felonious Phunk: T-17 [still has full Elite 8 in play], Hoya Suxa & Cuse_Fan_CT: T-29 [Suxa has Auburn in FF?!?! CT had ‘Cuse & ‘Nova in the final so this is about as high as they’re getting]. Pregler’s Bracket: T-44 [Well, if you’re going to be mediocre, you landed on the right number]. Mike Will Double Down: T-53 [There’s nothing particularly interesting about this bracket, I’ve just always been curious of this handle...does it mean ‘(a guy named) Mike will double down’, or is it a reference to the audio watermarks of producer ‘Mike Will Made It’? If you’ve heard it, you know what I mean].
Video 9 • One of funniest human beings to ever exist goes way off-script and murders the cast... then himself gets owned. You’ve probably seen this, it never gets old.
• Best Bracket Names • ‘Pitcher o Honey Brown Pls’ [ew], @National Champions@ [sic, and excellent formatting humor], ‘My Fine Bracket’ [show me on this Doug Gottlieb doll where the bracket touched you], ‘Chukwu for three’ [sigh, what could have been]
Video 10-11 • Finally, because I can’t post MadTV & Burnett clips and forget the GOAT sketch program, a couple selected shorts from Chappelle [Language] [Young Bill Burr!]:
Ok! How did your bracket fair?!?
See you next week with further weekday wastes of time.