With the release of the 2019 Syracuse Orange football schedule, we quickly assembled the #FakeNunes team to tell you what you can expect next Fall. If you want facts, and not #jokesandgarbage, read John’s disloyal article as well.
Saturday, August 31: at Liberty Flames
Syracuse 88 Liberty 13
Tommy DeVito breaks the Syracuse record with 7 TD passes as Liberty’s defenders stop when the Syracuse offense calls out their new “Let us bow our heads” and “Peace be with you” audibles.
Saturday, September 7: at Maryland Terrapins
Syracuse 44 Maryland 31
The Orange take advantage when Mike Locksley has to take an urgent call from Nick Saban during the 3rd quarter. Saban is furious that Butch Jones can’t remember the press box combination code and demands Locksley stops coaching to give it to him. The Maryland assistant coaches tell Locksley that he doesn’t work for Saban but Locksley yells back “I can’t tell him No” as he runs into the locker room.
Saturday, September 14: Clemson Tigers
Syracuse 44 Clemson 40
The Tigers can’t overcome the loss of Trevor Lawrence who leaves the team to join the XFL. Lawrence’s reason for leaving school early is that he needs the money to fund his costly Filet O’ Fish addiction. In an exclusive interview during College Gameday a teary-eyed Lawrence tells Tom Rinaldi that once he sampled that one in the White House he just couldn’t control himself.
Saturday, September 21: Western Michigan Broncos
Syracuse 44 Western Michigan 12
In a surprising move Syracuse makes Tim Daoust honorary captain and Daoust stalks the Dome sidelines just glaring at his former boss Tim Lester. The Orange score all their touchdowns on jet sweeps.
Saturday, September 28: Holy Cross Crusaders
Syracuse 88 Holy Cross 8
5,423 Cuse alums who have worked at ESPN tag Bill Simmons in every twitter highlight they see leading to Simmons writing a 15,000 word essay comparing Holy Cross legend Gordie Lockbaum to Daniel Larusso.
Saturday, October 5: BYE
Syracuse 44 Fightin’ Byes 2
The Syracuse special teams fails the “Birdbox Challenge” when the snap to the punter rolls out of the end zone. Babers promises that his team will focus on being better at listening for the ball and smelling the laces as the season progresses.
Thursday, October 10: at N.C. State Wolfpack
Syracuse 44 NC State 37
Syracuse scores a late touchdown following an in-stadium advertisment for Dinosaur BBQ which is now the “Official Barbecue Restaurant of the ACC”. As the crowd stands in stunned silence, DeVito hits Sean Riley for a quick screen that Riley takes to the house.
Wait what’s that....bygawd that’s MrSuFootball’s music....
Hey y’all, did you miss me? It’s only been a few short weeks, but we are well into the off season and Cuse football Twitter already is putting out winter workout vids that has me getting hypeddddd.
The full schedule came out yesterday and man did it come quick y’all. The reason being is that the late December Camping Bowl World title game that we won, made that off season a month shorter. It felt good laying my eyes on the schedule starting to visualize what will happen and knowing the countdown is on until the 2019 season.
I want to say that there is no reason we can’t be the national champions this year. With the returning talent we have and our valiant, confident leader that is Mr. Babers, the sky is the limit. There are the early road trips leading into the frothing matchup of Clemson in the Dome week 3. The visions as I eat my sweat, a warm bud light and a dry pretzel and the dream that Gameday will be there with 49 thousand Syracuse fans screaming at the top of their lungs is reaI. I love the two bye weeks and think our schedule sets up nicely. The Thursday night game at NC State is gnarly, and we got another Friday night matchup which I always like the energy in the building and against Pitt who we owe payback too.
I love the 3 home games in September which brings us good tailgate weather. Closing the regular season at the Dome in very late November against Wake will be something different and heart warming. I expect us to win every game because Syracuse football is the best program in the country.
While we are in the depths of winter now, soon enough we will open up in late August for a monumental opener at Liberty and we have to smash them to set the tone for the season. There has not been this much hype going into a season since McNabb’s senior season, what a joyous time to be alive, to be Orange, and now I will go back to Lifehouse’s greatest hits and stare at the schedule more as I dream about August 31st. Have a wonderful day y’all!
Now onto the 2nd half of the schedule...
Friday, October 18: Pittsburgh Panthers
Syracuse 44 Pitt 12
Moe Neal, Abdul Adams and Jarveon Howard all run for over 100 yards as Babers claims he was just giving Pat Narduzzi a “taste of his own medicine” with all the rushing attempts.
Saturday, October 26: at Florida State Seminoles
Syracuse 44 Florida State 31
Late in the game the television cameras catch the Orange offensive line completing the New York Times Sunday crossword on the sidelines.
Saturday, November 2: BYE
Syracuse 44 Fightin’ Byes 5
S’andre Mzyt kicks a field goal for the Byes on the final play. After the game Bino Dabers says he was kicking the field goal for his friend Brian Kelly.
Saturday, November 9: Boston College Eagles
Syracuse 44 BC 11
BC fans fly a “Fire Addazio” banner for this game which is odd since it’s in Syracuse and never seen because of the Dome.
Saturday, November 16: at Duke Blue Devils
Syracuse 44 Duke 27
Just two weeks after the Orange open the 2019-20 ACC basketball season with a win in Durham, the football team follows suit. A petition to boot Syracuse from the ACC is circulated in the Triangle.
Saturday, November 23: at Louisville Cardinals
Syracuse 44 Louisville 20
Syracuse goes to Cardinal Stadium and sees DeVito link up with Trishton Jackson on a couple of long TDs. After the game Babers announces that he’s been calling Jackson “Seabiscuit” since he arrived on campus.
Saturday, November 30: Wake Forest Demon Deacons
Syracuse 44 Wake 38
A nervous Dome crowd is preparing for overtime when Trill Williams breaks through and blocks a punt in the final seconds. The ball bounces around for several seconds before Chris Elmore scoops it up and steamrolls the punter on his way to the endzone. Elmore continues running and ends up creating a new tunnel between the Dome and the new Barnes Center at the Arch.
There you have it fresh from the Fake Nunes Statistical Index and while it’s too soon to know who the Orange would play in the post-season we know the #FNSI will never steer you wrong. Now it’s your turn to make some predictions in the comments.