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#FakeNunes preview: Syracuse Orange vs. Wagner Seahawks

Wagner? I don’t even know her...

NCAA Football: Syracuse at Western Michigan Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

It’s a new era for the #FakeNunes previews. We’ll do our best to deliver the types of Syracuse Orange #jokesandgarbage you’ve come to expect from TNIAAM. Feedback is always welcome.

Opponent: Wagner Seahawks (1-0, 0-0)

Location: Staten Island, N.Y.

Students: 2,200

The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.


We’re expecting the “traditional” Syracuse home look of orange helmets and pants with the blue jerseys. Wagner’s likely to wear these all whites which are a pretty clean look.

Advantage: Syracuse because winning always looks better than losing

NCAA Football Playability:

We saw in Week 1 what Dungey can do with his legs and running it up on FCS NYC would be one way to get your QB into the Heisman conversation. Advantage: Syracuse

Football Program Hashtag:

#OITNFvs None. Well this is an easy one Advantage: Syracuse

Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture

Robert Loggia vs Frank Langella

You might remember Loggia for his portrayal of Coach Wally Riggendorf in “Necessary Roughness”. Riggendorf was the guy who recruited Paul Blake to Texas State. Langella’s best work was recruiting Elizabeth and Phillip to continue their work for the KGB in “The Americans”. Advantage: Wagner because getting a broken-down 34-year old to leave his family farm to QB the Armadillos is one hell of a recruiting pitch

NCAA Football: Syracuse at Western Michigan Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball

We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions. Current Prediction Record (1-0)

Syracuse 70 Wagner 13:

Here are my four downs of reasoning.

1) QB play: what can you say about Eric Dungey, after week one he is the front runner for the heisman after gashing and dashing through the vaunted western Michigan defense. Easily, one of the most important road victories in Syracuse football history. I expect the same type of performance from him this time, but in 1.5 quarters.

2) Devito gold chain: rumor is he will be downsizing this week to a smaller Italian horn and this will make him a little more lite on his feet and therefore show his potential in at least 2 quarters of play. Expect him to throw at least 4 tds.

3) Secondary: expect the 3rd best secondary in the country to improve this week and shutdown Wagner’s offense with ease. I expect someone to get atleast 2 pick 6’s and a Deion Sanders type glide to the end zone after at least one of them.

4) Atmosphere: it’s a shame game day choose to go to college station for Clemson at Texas A&M. When we have an insanely big matchup between two undefeated teams also at the dome. I get chills thinking about this 1-0 v 1-0 game, luckily we are going to put a hurtin and knock them from the undefeated ranks. I can’t wait to taste my own sweat all day in the luxurious Carrier Dome.

AFC Championship - Jacksonville Jaguars v New England Patriots Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images

Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB

If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.

“Luke Massei is really good at turning to hand the ball to Ryan Fulse. So I mean if you want to call that playing quarterback, be my guest. I like him because he like to throw picks so when you think about it, more teams should play guys like him.”

Victory Cigar Meter

10/10. If Wagner wins this game, the team bus is heading straight to Rocky’s before they get back on 81 South to head home to NYC’s forgotten borough.

Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter

1/10. Dino’s not breaking out any ‘A’ material this week, so expect something short and sweet.


By Monday morning, the biggest complaints from the MAD ONLINE crew are going to be based upon the number of possessions that DeVito got compared to Culpepper. We’re going to see so many Syracuse players take the field that someone on the stat junkies are going to get confused and give Mookie Jones credit for a sack.