If it’s Wednesday (Thursday, this week) then you know it’s time for #FakeNunes preview. All the #jokesandgarbage you need to get ready for this week’s game.
Opponent: Clemson Tigers (4-0, 1-0)
Location: Clemson, South Carolina aka The House
The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)
We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.
If it was up to us Syracuse would be breaking out the crisp and clean with no caffeine All White Lake Effect uniforms this week. But it’s likely not so we’ll be fine with some variations of orange and white. Cue the platinum in three...two... *Andy combusts*
Clemson seems like it could pick this game to break out the all-purple Grimace look even if they would be wise to go orange on white. Purple is a regal color and Orange is certainly the greatest color, but trying to pair the two is just ridiculous.
Advantage: All of us because the chance of seeing two teams wearing orange and white is a gift.
NCAA Football Playability:
Normally the edge goes to the Syracuse Orange offense but man the fun you could have with this Clemson D-line. You could take one of the tackles and line up off the edge and completely dismantle your opponent’s RPO much to the delight of Pat Fitzgerald.
Advantage: Clemson because scoring points is fun but dismantling your opponents entire gameplan is much more satisfying.
Football Program Hashtag:
#OITNF vs #ALLIN When it comes to social media Clemson’s the best in college football. *Activate Extremely Stephen A voice*
However you can’t come out and take your hashtag from the most popular independent wrestling pay per view of 2018. Especially when it featured Orange super(hero) fan Stephen Amell on it:
.@StephenAmell goes COAST TO COAST!! #ALLIN— TDE Wrestling (@totaldivaseps) September 1, 2018
➡️ https://t.co/mNpVzZkjg8 pic.twitter.com/drfjRjHcN3
Advantage: Syracuse until we see one of your fans hit that move, because we learned what happens when you try to fight Amell
Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture
Last week was the WNBA and this week we look at two women in politics. Haley might have the higher profile due to her role as Ambassador to the UN but did she attempt something like this as a Clemson undergrad?
Hochul became politically active during her college years at Syracuse University, leading a boycott of the student bookstore over high prices and an unsuccessful effort to name the university stadium after running back Ernie Davis, an alumnus, instead of the Carrier Corporation.
Advantage: Syracuse because we all know that the Ernie Davis Dome would have been a cooler name and prevented us from having the incredibly awkward Ernie Davis Legends’ Field moniker on the turf.
Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball
We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions. Current Prediction Record (4-0)
Syracuse 31 Clemson 27
Here are my four downs of reasoning why we shock the world again.
1) Offensive line- our dominant force of offensive lines after putting up over 300 yards rushing vs a stout uconn defense shows why they should all be first rounders as we gash Clemson for over 350 yards rushing and frustrate the paper tigers defensive line all day long under the Death Valley sun.
2) Mr. Steal Your Girl Dungey- no doubt about it that Trevor Lawerence’s first start will attract a lot of Clemson co-eds yelling his name, he may even have a girlfriend there cheering him on. The bottom line is once Mr. HEISMAN aka Eric Dungey takes his helmet off on the sidelines and then they see him stiff arm and jump over every Clemson defender they will be cheering and fawning over him. Kind of like how the crowd in Russia turned in Rocky IV. This will make lawerence wet his spandex and throw 3 ints, with one of them brought back for a td from Mr. Int Andre Cisco.
3) Run game- it’s nice to see us run the ball again at Syracuse and boy oh boy do we have three stallions (shout out to minor league hoops in Syracuse) to choose from. This time Howard makes a juke and runs into the end zone without getting stopped at the 1. It will be his coming out party on ational tv, Strickland also will catch a TD in the flat and rip off a 22 yarder.
4) CFB playoff- this is a titanic matchup regardless and I expect to see a rematch in the CFB semifinals so hopefully we don’t show everything on offense and defense. Either way if we use the same game plan that we did against Uconn we will be fine and leave Clemson with a 4 point W.
Enjoy it Syracuse we got 8 games left hopefully more after that if we’re lucky.
Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB
If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.
“Kelly Bryant looked like the next in a line of very good Clemson QBs then Dabo went and handed the job to the bad guy from Karate Kid. I don’t know if that kid can ball or what but he certainly doesn’t skimp when it comes to using quality hair conditioner.”
Victory Cigar Meter
9.9/10 Dabo’s not going to light up but a big Clemson win will certainly feature him in the locker room breaking it down Dad-style to “Bigger than You” (NSFW audio).
Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter
10/10 Beating Clemson in the Dome last year gave us an outstanding Dino speech. If the Orange get the win on the road this year, Syracuse Athletics better have a full 360° video of what will transpire.
Syracuse might be the heavy underdog this week but #Clemsoning isn’t that far in the past. With all the pressure riding on the Tigers and with Dabo picking this week to go with the true freshman at QB nerves will be high in the Other Death Valley. As long as the Orange can stay focused early they can ramp up the pressure.....but in the end that Tigers D-line looks too formidable to go down for a second year in a row. Clemson escapes and Dabo is actually humble after the post-game and not doing his “Look how humble I am” act.