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#FakeNunes preview: Syracuse Orange vs Western Michigan Broncos

The jokes won’t be as good as Invisible Swordsman but we’ll deliver some weekly garbage

Syracuse v Miami Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

It’s a new era for the #FakeNunes previews. We’ll do our best to deliver the types of Syracuse Orange #jokesandgarbage you’ve come to expect from TNIAAM. Feedback is always welcome.

Opponent: Western Michigan Broncos (0-0)

Location: Kalamazoo, Michigan

Students: 22,894

The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.

Uniforms:

We all know what Syracuse looks like so this is what we could be seeing from WMU this week. Does Syracuse counter with the Stormtrooper look? Will we go #Platinum from Day 1?

NCAA Football: Western Michigan at Michigan State Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

Personally the Syracuse whites are a pretty sweet combination which means that this one is just a slight win for the Broncos because we can sort of tell the difference between a 6 and an 8 on their jerseys. And they don’t have the Adidas track marks to ruin their tops. Advantage:WMU

NCAA Football Playability:

If we remember anything from the Lester era it was the baffling decision to call red zone jet sweeps and wheel routes for unexpected players. Meanwhile the 2018 Orange would give you Dungey running RPO’s and trucking DB’s. Advantage: Syracuse

Football Program Hashtag:

#LetsRide vs #OITNF. I’m not the biggest fan of the Orange is the New Fast but #LetsRide is so generic that I’d bet that a few other Directional Universities are using it as well (this is what happens when you lose #RowtheBoat). Maybe they all got a group discount on it. Advantage: Syracuse

Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture

Terry Crews vs Mike Tirico

It’s hard to go against Terry Crews who has gone from comedy actor to social activist. We’re putting Tirico into this matchup since he’s a Michigan native. His expanding roles at NBC are great but they fall short to Crews’ work on behalf of sexual harassment issues. Even in the midst of #jokesandgarbage we understand that some things are of greater importance. Advantage: WMU

Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball

We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions.

Syracuse 58 WMU 9.

My four downs of reasoning: 1) Syracuse isn’t going to high five and hug the opposing coach like middle Tennessee last year, I expect the players to go in for a pregame handshake and pull it away at the last second to really mess with Lester, Dausot and Moreland’s head.

2) Defense- I think we have the best defense line in the acc, Clemson can’t hold our sports protector. These names will become household by the end of the wmu game with about 2 sacks a piece- josh black, Chris Slayton, Alton Robinson and McKinley Williams.

3) Rushing attack- Strickland is going to go for 120 yards and 2 tds, while moe Neal will rip off a 70 yarder and a Td and leave the fans inside Waldo heading to the exits early.

4) Eric Dungey- no one inside Waldo stadium can military press as much as our quarterback and he will show that as the offense hops on his shoulders and he throws for over 400 yards and rushes for 150 as he accounts for 5 tds.

Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB

If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.

Jon Wassink seems like a decent QB but he put his numbers against MAC opponents. What’d he do against USC and Iowa State? I’ll tell you what- 22 for 48 for 146 yards 0 td’s and 2 INT’s. Pad your stats against Idaho and Buffalo all you want, it doesn’t make you good”

Victory Cigar Meter

10/10 for this one. I don’t think it’s a reach to suggest that the Shafer family sent cigars to Tim Lester, Jake Moreland, Nick Sanchez, Drew Robinson, Steven Clark and Tim Daoust to enjoy should they beat the Orange. We’re not sure about the smoking policies at Waldo Stadium so let’s just hope we don’t find out on Friday night.

Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter

5/10. While this wouldn’t be an upset victory for the Orange it probably means a lot to the upperclassman on the team. Should Syracuse open the season with a win we might get some Babers talk about Ohana.

Prediction:

Let’s be real here: any loss and we’re going to be freaking out before the Orange even take a snap in the Carrier Dome. This is the first game of a new season, so we’re all going to be drinking Bell’s Two Hearted Ale watching Dungey score 40 as the Orange win by at least double digits. Right? RIGHT!?! /Nervously sobs.