#FakeNunes preview: Syracuse Orange vs Notre Dame Fighting Irish

If it’s Wednesday, then you know it’s time for #FakeNunes preview. All the #jokesandgarbage you need to get ready for this week’s Syracuse Orange game.

Opponent: Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Location: South Bend, Indiana

Students: 12,393

The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.

Uniforms:

Just in case you forgot what Notre Dame will be wearing we need to remind you so you won’t be sent screaming to the bathroom to vomit on Saturday.

It’s like Brian Kelly saw those Syracuse uniforms in 2016 and said to Under Armour “Give me those but make them even uglier.” We’re all worried about the Platinuming finally coming this weekend, but Syracuse is going to pass on that route with this

Oh, and a reminder, Notre Dame stole a logo Syracuse already used.

Advantage: Syracuse

NCAA Football Playability:

Notre Dame’s the team that has the one guy that’s a 98 overall and you don’t really know who it is but you play the computer and DE #95 has like 12 tackles, 4 sacks and two forced fumbles. Later that night you go to a NCAA Football forum and find out one of the programmers graduated from Notre Dame and made himself into an All-American.

Advantage: Notre Dame

Football Program Hashtag:

#OITNF vs #GoIrish

We were ready to admit that ND had the better one here, but then we saw that they are using #uNDefeated and ohh that’s certainly not going to come back to bite them..oh no.

Advantage: Syracuse

Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture

The Mike Golics vs Dwight Freeney and Chandler Jones

Since the Golics have a national morning radio show to spew their Notre Dame propoganda it’s important that we use the power of the press to inform you the reader about some facts. The Golics NFL stats are first and Freeney/Jones follow.

Advantage: Syracuse because numbers don’t lie

Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball

We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions. I’m not sure if he’s slept this week, but he’s ready to go for this weekend’s game. Current Prediction Record (8-2)

Syracuse 38 ND 13

Here are my four downs of reasoning:

1) No Gameday, No Problem, while little UCF Knights gets gameday, we are good just having the biggest game of the week in college football. If you social media search it is surreal to see how much chatter this game is getting and it is only going to get greater as Saturday approaches. The college football universe will center around this game and honestly what a late afternoon it could be. I’d rather have Gameday up on campus next season anyways.

2) Brian Kelly is a stress case, and seems like a guy that you wouldn’t really want to play for and by all accounts is a big herb. I would love nothing more then to get some scores early and see that patented eyeballs protruding from his skull and turning into the tomato that we see every so often. Notre Dame hasn’t seen an offense with this much speed, heart and desire that they are going to see on Saturday. They are peeing their pants like Ralph from the Simpsons does a lot of the time.

3) Irish people, listen as someone that comes from Italian descent I say be prideful in your families history, but there is nothing more corny then people that have “Irish last names” that claim to be diehard Notre Dame fans, especially ones that live in Syracuse. Y’all are pathetic and I can’t wait to chug a victory Guinness in your faces... Ric Flair voice: “Woooooooooo”

(Editor’s note: Irish pride is fine, not pathetic keep your ND stuff in the closet until St Patty’s Day. Also get the Kilkenny on tap at Coleman’s next time you’re there- you won’t be disappointed

4) Keep enjoying the ride- Syracuse fandom, Tuesday at 7, Friday/Saturday games this season have been absolutely awesome. Between the 8-2 record and the high national ranking it is something I have been dreaming about for many nights I go to sleep during the long months in the off season. Keep getting behind this program and the ride will keep continuing. The games are exciting and we have a true identity that makes Syracuse standout in the national picture. Let’s go get these little leprechauns on Saturday and keep enjoying that ride. 3 games to go maybe 4 if we get a little help from the football gods. Enjoy y’all enjoy.

Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB

If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.

“Who is it this week-Ian Book or Wimbush? Back to Book huh...well the numbers look pretty good but he sounds more like a starting pitcher than a starting QB. You know if you gave me a couple of months I could make a starting rotation for any MLB team.”

Victory Cigar Meter

Let’s just go back to last week for a second:

6.9/10: Bobby Petrino’s buyout is so big he might be wishing he gets fired so he can ride his motorcycle around on Fall Saturday afternoons. He might light up if the Orange win.

This week’s a 0.9/10: Noted Boston Red Sox fan Brian Kelly will probably make some lame Curt Schilling joke if the Irish win the game. He’s got to get through two games before he can get too cocky

Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter

9.99/10: An undefeated Notre Dame in NYC on NBC. If the Orange knock the Irish out of the playoff picture with this kind of exposure, Dino’s sermon is going to be playing on a loop until March.

Prediction:

The pressure is all on Notre Dame. They have everything to lose while the Orange can play loose and free. This game comes down to getting an early lead so the Irish can’t play ultra- conservative and use their running game to wear down Syracuse. If the Orange can’t capitalize on their opportunities, we see Notre Dame escaping with a one-score victory.