#FakeNunes preview: Syracuse Orange vs Pitt Panthers

If it’s Wednesday, then you know it’s time for #FakeNunes preview. All the #jokesandgarbage you need to get ready for this week’s Syracuse Orange game.

Opponent: Pittsburgh Panthers

Location: Pittsburgh, PA. (Did you know that three rivers meet in Pittsburgh?)

Students: 26,488

The 2018 Fake Nunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

We’ve come up with some new categories this year because if we’ve learned anything from the NCAA this summer it’s to create a metric you own the rights to and no one knows how you calculate the formulas.

Uniforms:

Pitt’s wearing these retro beauties and it makes you wonder 1) why don’t they wear these full-time? and 2) when will Syracuse bring back the script across all sports?

Syracuse has kept things mostly traditional this year and since we won’t find out until the end of the week, we’ll guess that it will be white helmets, white tops with orange pants.

Advantage: Gotta go with the Pitt Script on this one.

NCAA Football Playability:

Qadree Ollison’s one of those versatile backs you could use to control the ball but Syracuse has more weapons on both sides of the ball to make your games much more enjoyable. Plus, the Orange have a magician.

Advantage: Syracuse because you play to win the game in an entertaining fashion.

Football Program Hashtag:

#OITNF vs #H2P and #LockTheGates

Why do schools feel the need to overcomplicate these things? Nothing wrong with #H2P for Hail to Pitt, but #LockTheGates is way too similar to Shafer’s Lock the Gate mantra. And Pitt has tried to kill Shafer in the past.

Advantage: Syracuse because simple is better

Pop Culture Alum: Each week we’ll compare alums who are relevant in pop culture

Gene Kelly vs Vanessa Williams

This week’s battle between talented artists known for their singing and acting. It’s always difficult to compare eras but you’d be Dreamin if you think we’re heading out of Comfort Zone and not taking anyone but Vanessa....and if you think I’m out of bad Vanessa song title puns just remember I went and Saved the Best for Last

Advantage: My Miss America Vanessa

Overly Optimistic SU Fan Prediction from @MrSUFootball

We’re tired of all your #honoryourcontract and #disloyalidiot comments so each week the most optimistic Syracuse Football fan we know gives you his predictions. Current Prediction Record (4-1)

Syracuse 44 Pitt 20: Here are my four downs of reasoning

1) 2001- its time to banish those demons of our last win on pitt soil when our very own Troy Nunes lead us to an epic victory.

2) #LocktheGates- threw up in my mouth countless times seeing this hashtag surface on social media for the new Meathead U in the ACC. We will come out and put up a 21-0 spot before they even run a complete series of plays. We will make them want to lock themselves in the locker room by halftime and not come out.

3) Homecoming- so they made this homecoming in the off season before they knew we would be a national power. Okay then? I get it.... the only sad thing is when The Homecoming Queen falls for Eric Dungey and he puts up a 30/35 400 and 4 TD performance.

4) Stakes couldn’t be higher- chance at a coveted 5th win that we haven’t seen in a few years at Syracuse, a win vaults us into the top 10 IMO. Man oh man what a huge, epic game ahead.

Enjoy it Syracuse we got 7 left 8 if we make our own luck. Let’s goooooooo

Douglas DeFelice-USA TODAY Sports

Jalen Ramsey tells us about the opponents’ QB

If you thought Jalen would keep his opinions to NFL QBs, we’re happy to announce that we got him to speak about SU’s 2018 opponents.

“When you look at his numbers nothing jumps out at you but somehow Kenny Pickett’s going to land on a NFL roster and when he does I’ll be waiting to add to my INT totals.”

Victory Cigar Meter

6/10 Narduzzi’s probably sick of hearing about Dino and the life he’s injected into the Syracuse program. He probably longs for those 17-13 battles against his good friend Shafer when football was about lining up and just out-toughing your opponent.

Babers Viral Post-Game Locker Room Speech Meter

3/10 Just not enough here when you’re expected to win and you’re playing a 12:30 game on the regional networks.

Prediction:

Before we get to this week let’s look back at last week’s prediction and we’ll apologize for not calling for a close win. Sometimes we forget how much power we yield here.

As long as the Orange can stay focused early they can ramp up the pressure.....but in the end that Tigers D-line looks too formidable to go down for a second year in a row. Clemson escapes and Dabo is actually humble after the post-game and not doing his “Look how humble I am” act.

Syracuse needs this game as badly as the Panthers. I don’t think it will be pretty but in the end the Orange escape with a one-score win.