clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

#FakeNunes: Syracuse vs. NC State

If it's not fit to print, it's #FakeNunes

The Magnificent Seven

Back in the Summer, ESPN put out a ranking of the nation’s top 10 defensive front sevens, and lo and behold, the Syracuse Orange managed to schedule five of the 10 teams on this list (hi, John!). Sitting at No. 5 on the list is NC State.

Bradley Chubb

Without question, this is a talented and experienced group that is led by first/second round NFL lock Bradley Chubb. And it is a unit that is being favorably compared with The Wolfpack's greatest ever front seven from 2005 which was anchored by three NFL first rounders including 2006 No. 1 overall draft pick Mario Williams, Manny Lawson, and John McCargo.

So this Magnificent Seven is undoubtedly special, but how does the Wolfpack rank against the true greatest sevens in history? #FakeNunes is here to help:

#FakeNunes Best "Sevens" Power Rankings:

The Seventh Wonder of The World
  1. The Seven Wonders of the World. The scale. The engineering. The sheer beauty and power. Any ranking of the best sevens has to start with the most recognizable man-made structures in the ancient world: The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, Great Pyramid of Giza, Colossus of Rhodes, Lighthouse of Alexandria, Temple of Artemis, Statue of Zeus at Olympia, and Darryl Gross' Club 44 in the Carrier Dome.
  2. The Seven Deadly Sins. One of the most recognizable and feared members of this list are the universally known seven deadly sins: Sloth, Greed, Envy, Pride, Disloyalty, George McDonald bubble screen, and #PLATINUM. Not only are they a great guideline for human behavior, they were also featured in one of the more disturbingly-awesome crime thrillers in modern film ("Seven").
  3. Seven Eleven.
Welcome to America. Welcome to The World

In the long history of America's love affair with month-old hotdogs, scratch cards, and 128oz frozen beverages, Seven Eleven has been the SEC of convenience stores. Sure, connoisseurs of all things unhealthy can make a regional argument that Wawa or Love's is their equal, but they simply don't have the worldwide reach to beat out the king.

4. Seven Bridges Road ("The Eagles"). Originally written in 1969 by American musician Steve Young, Seven Bridges Road was rearranged as a five-part a cappella/acoustic song that was recorded in 1980 by The Eagles. For fans of the band, it showcased the incredible harmony among the performers, and has likely been sung out-loud with windows rolled down in their parent's beater car by virtually every white kid who was raised in Syracuse in the 1980s.

5. 2017 NC State Front Seven

6. 7 & 7. The Penn State of cocktails. Simple, cheap, always relevant, and pretty-much white.

Rugby Sevens party time!

7. Rugby Sevens. Basically Dino Babers offense played by seven Fijians against seven Kiwis with no pads in front of liquored-up international crowds that dress up like it is Halloween. Hang on. This should be higher up the list!

8. Seven Dwarves. Whose house???? Snow's House!!! This band of brothers gets work done, but is simply too disorganized to make a bigger impact on this list.

9. 7 For All Mankind. Used to be much higher in the rankings, but followed the skinny-jean trend and have become largely in-accessible for any man that has an ass or thighs.

10. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. The classic 1954 musical is entertaining, but the whole "unruly brothers kidnap seven girls against their will, but eventually dance and sing their way into their hearts" is so typically weird of 1950s views of gender roles and romance.

Coach's Film Study

Today's Film: Bull Durham

Look, I get it NC State fans. It's likely blasphemy that I recognize a film set 20 minutes away in Durham, N.C. which happens to be the home of your fiercest rivals... you know, where the bratty private school kids from the Northeast come down to North Carolina to geek out over basketball, and basically ruin your good time. But great sports movies can bridge our world's differences. And like a good kumbaya meeting, "Bull Durham" brings people together from all walks of life and gives them nearly two hours of exceptionally good entertainment.

This film plays like a good, fast offense. They open the game up with some seriously deep sh*t (Annie's opening monologue about the religion of baseball) that softens the defense, and then picks away with a rapid succession short-to-medium-range comedic dialogue that varies from the simplicity of the game of baseball, to the connection between baseball and sex, to the absurdity of playing on a team over a 142 game season. And every so often, Crash Davis trows it back over the top with some of film's greatest philosophical quotes like this gem:

"I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."

Preach, Crash. Preach.

Ultimately, like a good, fast offense, Bull Durham simply moves the ball and thoroughly entertains. It's the rare film that could be simultaneously viewed as a sports movie AND a chick flick... which is probably why you could find this film on ESPN Classic just as easily as Bravo or Oxygen.

Four Oranges (out of five)

The #FakeNunes Statistical Index (#FNSI)

F&B: (Food and Beverage). First and foremost, Raleigh is one of the nations BEST spots for beer. Any city that has a top 20 brewery list has to be taken seriously, and one could (should) take time to enjoy many of the best around the city. For any foodies out there, it is hard to top the experience of the food scene in Baton Rouge on a college football Saturday.

But Raleigh, NC does not have anything to be ashamed of. As a member state of the BBQ belt, there are loads of great options who want to gorge on smoked meats, but Raleigh also has a wealth of great Asian and Middle Eastern options for those who need a break from their weekly trip to Tully's (ed. note - there is never a need to take a break from Tully's). Bida Manda, Neomonde Mediterranean, and Bad Daddy's Burger Bar are among the city's best. ADVANTAGE: NC State

Tailgate Efficiency: I don't think you can have accreditation in the State of North Carolina unless you are able to host a solid tailgate. NC State is no exception, with ample options at the stadium for students, alumni, visitors, etc. As a visitor, enjoy the scene, but double check regional BBQ sauce preferences, because its kind of a religion in these parts. ADVANTAGE: NC State

Adj. Uniform Coolness: I have to admit the white helmet/all orange combo at LSU looked pretty good, and we always seem to dress better on the road when there isn't the threat of platinum. The #FNSI is giving them a ratings upgrade for now. NC State, while sporting a generally plain uniform scheme, do seem to understand the value of maintaining a traditional look. Their addition of the wolf pack mascot as their helmet decal last week against FSU was a cool touch. ADVANTAGE: NC State

4th String F.I.: (4th String Familiarity Index) Unlike their neighbors to the Northwest, NC State has good balance between its love for football and basketball. I wouldn't label Wolfpack fans as rabid, but there's a deep pride for the program and a sense of high optimism under Dave Doeren. ADVANTAGE: NC State

Hot Seat: Neither Dino Babers nor Dave Doeren are at risk at this stage in their tenure. Both programs appear on the up, with Doeren's expectations perhaps a bit higher after a good start to 2017. ADVANTAGE: NC State

FACEPALM: Expectations in Raleigh for a 9+ win season are starting to mount following a comprehensive win over FSU in Tallahassee. Aside from Clemson and possibly Louisville (both at home), there doesn't seem to be a matchup that goes against the Wolfpack at this stage in the season. A loss to Syracuse would definitely be deflating. ADVANTAGE: NC State

Grandpa Edgar: "I kinda liked that riverboat gambler stuff your coach pulled on LSU, and I thought Syracuse was at it's best when your quarterback was pulling up for jump shots to your tight end. Basketball school! But moral victories are when you win and play the game the right way."ADVANTAGE: NC State

Swift/Perry Index: NC State is among a handful of ACC schools at this point where there really isn't any real bad blood to speak of. On the field, we've won some and lost some, but not with anything substantial on the line. Off the field, we all agree that Duke sucks. ADVANTAGE: Even

Iso #DISRESPEKT: NC State took out the No. 12 team in the country to go to 3-1, but remain outside the top 25. ADVANTAGE: NC State

Narcissism+: It's really hard to be really narcissistic when all the air gets taken out of your room 24/7 by obnoxious Duke fans. With that said, there should be more love and attention on the Wolfpack while they continue their winning streak ADVANTAGE: NC State

EDSBS IJ Factor: (Every Day Should Be Saturday Inside Joke Factor). While not often on the hit list, NC State's current under-the-radar reputation was expertly summarized by ActionCookbook during a recent debate on whether the SEC or ACC has the nation's best football conference:


East Coast Bias +/-: Meh. The baseball playoffs start next week, and the Yankees are in the wildcard game. Aaron Judge narrative overload in three, two, one... ADVANTAGE: Yes Network

NC State: The Sign of The Wolf

Tradition/Culture Index: Like Syracuse, NC State checks off the major boxes for modern-day traditions. Walk of Champions? Check. Players as flag bearers? Check. Interesting-if-not-totally-original hand signal that showcases your membership in the gang? Check! Come to think of it, we don't have that hand signal thingy. We need a hand signal thingy!!! And if we are truly New York's College Team, only one hand signal will do!

New York's College Team Hand Signal (proposed)



Across the board, the #FNSI indicates that NC State has a modest advantage over our beloved Orange in this contest. I think SU continues to show competitiveness and grit, but for the second week in a row, we fall short on the road. NC State 34, Syracuse 27