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What should each ACC football program have delivered from Wegmans?

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They should be so lucky...

NCAA Football: Nebraska at Miami Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

This week featured some big news from the country’s greatest supermarket chain, Wegmans, when it announced it would be starting delivery services in Syracuse and around Upstate New York.

Since Wegmans already announced plans to move in on ACC territory, it might as well bring these delivery plans with it as well.

So what should Wegmans bless each of the conference’s 14 programs with, via one-hour delivery? We come up with ideas for each school.

Boston College Eagles: Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk

Steve Addazio seems like a big milk guy, right? So why not deliver a bunch of milk that never needs to be refrigerated, just in case he has to relocate this offseason? This product’s as interesting as Boston College’s offense. Condensed, thick and never a featured ingredient.

Clemson Tigers: Diced Speck

We’re never ones to pay the Tigers much #RESPECK, so what about speck, cut into little pieces? There’s a full pound of speck available as well, in one piece But that’s not how we handle this relationship.

Duke Blue Devils: Valenzano Jersey Devil “Forte” Port

Since most of Duke’s fans and students are probably from New Jersey, this seems to work. Is David Cutcliffe a port guy? He seems like he would be. In any case, the wine and cheese crowd gets what they wanted all along.

NCAA Football: Orange Bowl-Michigan vs Florida State Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Florida State Seminoles: Talk O’Texas Pickles

If you’re #TalkinBoutTheNoles, might as well #TalkAboutPickles, too. Still not satisfied? There are four different varieties of Talk O’Texas Pickles, granting even more conversation topics for your Florida State or pickle needs.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: Mountain Dew Pitch Black

While visiting ESPN this week, Tech coach Paul Johnson showed he’s already in midseason form with some stone-cold zingers at Miami. It’s only the latest in a string of surly, mean quips from PJ, so some jet black Mountain Dew seems like a fitting choice.

Louisville Cardinals: Hot Wheels Twin Flame Motorcycle

Pictures are worth a thousand words, but that may not be enough to truly commemorate Bobby Petrino’s ill-fated motorcycle ride years ago. This could be the proper trophy.

NCAA Football: Florida State at Miami Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Miami Hurricanes: Hurricane Malt Liquor

The last 15 years or so haven’t been too fun for Miami fans, so perhaps they’ve already bought a few of these in that stretch. You might also need some for this year’s game down in Miami if the ‘Canes figure out the quarterback situation.

NC State Wolfpack: Any Wegmans sub

To commemorate Dave Doeren’s sub-.500 record in ACC play since he took over the Wolfpack. They hope to fix that this season, but this should be a subtle reminder of the fact in the meantime.

North Carolina Tar Heels: Swiss Cheese Wheel

Ends up UNC’s issues are very much in the NCAA’s wheelhouse. Also, the Heels’ case seems to be full of holes. Jokes are fun, as is this delayed payoff for the wine-and-cheese concept started with Duke above.

Pittsburgh Panthers: Immune Defense Herbal Liquid Tonic Extract

Pitt might have been more immune to playing defense than Syracuse was last year, so this should assist in that task of improvement. Without as impressive of an offense this season, this might be all that prevents a decline.

NCAA Football: Syracuse at Pittsburgh Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Syracuse Orange: Minute Rice

Dino Babers wants things fast, so what product’s faster to prepare than Minute Rice (even if it usually runs a bit over that assumed timing)? It’s a training device, as SU’s receivers visualize how quickly they need to sprint downfield.

Virginia Cavaliers: Old Virginia Apple Sauce

The product may also be an apt description of Virginia’s brand of football of late. After a 2-10 season to start Bronco Mendhall’s tenure, they seem to be in for another unfortunate fall this year too.

Virginia Tech Hokies: Wegmans Oven Roasted Turkey Breast

The Hokies showed up to the Carrier Dome last year, and were summarily roasted on both sides of the ball by an Orange team playing its best game in years. Tech rebounded just fine, but still: roasted turkeys that day.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons: Assorted Claw Clips

Dave Clawson’s team is nondescript and easy to misplace, which is why you need a multi-pack of both. The Deacs could use an offense most of all, but this may have to do.

What’s on your ACC delivery list?