What flavor should the ACC Network have?

The ACC spring meetings have been going on at the Ritz-Carlton in Amelia Island, Fla. all week, and with that has come some chatter about the impending ACC Network. Not a whole lot of new information, mind you. But the conversation has focused in on the 2019 launch of the linear, ESPN-owned channel — now only two years from launch.

From a “how much money will the Syracuse Orange make?” perspective, what we really care about is this statement from ACC commissioner John Swofford:

But because this blog has a fine, upstanding tradition of #jokesandgarbage, the quote we’ll focus in on instead is this one:

No, not the distribution part. That part’s great, but is also related directly back to the money part of the equation. We’re focused on the word “flavor” here; a phrase which provides endless possibilities for what this network could really “taste like” come the fall of 2019.

Some of the top flavor possibilities, off the top of our heads:

Denny’s

Clearly, an ACC institution like this one would only provide depth and texture to the network. Grand Slam breakfast? Omelettes at any time of day or night? The ability to bring up Jim Boeheim’s comments each and every day? Denny’s tastes perfect for the ACC.

Drugs

Of any sort, really. The Clemson Tigers won the conference and the national title last year, after all. So if this network’s going to taste like anything, it might as well be reflective of them and mascot 8-Ball.

Food Lion

No specific item. Just everything in the store at the same time. Just don’t use that phrase in front of your mother. God’s listening, after all.

Mellow Mushroom

If you’re going to have your network taste like anything, suggestive chain pizza’s another option. I’ve walked by multiple Mellow Mushrooms (in Durham, Fort Worth) in my day, and it looks like a place where H.R. Pufnstuf would spend extensive amounts of time. Related to the drugs point, perhaps that’s a flavor you want in your conference network. If not, fake doctors for you.

Bojangles

ACC football was pretty high-octane and offensively-focused last season. Even if that all comes back down to earth this year, you probably want to feel just as invigorated about what you’re watching in 2019 as you did in 2016. The ACC Network: It’s like watching the Pitt-Syracuse game every day of your life. AND it’s Bo Time!

Dinosaur Bar-B-Que

Let’s be real, if you’re going to have the ACC Network take on a truly representative flavor, why not choose the “BEST BARBEQUE RESTAURANT IN ACC COUNTRY?” Saucy, smoky and decidedly without the vinegar-based trash you’ll find in the Eastern outposts of North Carolina. There is no flavor more distinctly ACC than that of Dinosaur Bar-B-Que.

(all death threats for the statements above can be sent to John Cassillo at 251...)