It took Georgetown just a few weeks to figure out which idiot will replace John Thompson III as the “Totally Real Head Coach That Isn’t Just a Puppet of Big John” of the Hoyas: “A Taller and Totally Real Head Coach That Isn’t Just a Puppet of Big John.”
As Casual Hoya broke this afternoon, Georgetown is turning to Patrick Ewing — a former basketball player that Hoyas believed sweat expensive cologne — to carry on Georgetown’s incredible tradition of losing to double digit seeds and getting brutally dunked on by the Washington Post.
Georgetown has hired Hoya legend and NBA Hall of Famer Patrick Ewing as its next head coach, a source confirms to Casual Hoya. Ewing replaces John Thompson III, who was fired on March 23rd after coaching the Hoyas for the past thirteen seasons.
This breaking news was posted at 2:27 PM, coincidentally a time that, I have been told, Georgetown sucks.
Ewing inherits a roster of jerks and will be asked to turn those jerks into a rag-tag team of even bigger jerks that will eventually lose to Elon in hilarious fashion. Baseline expectations for Georgetown next season are to lose to very few Gulf Coasts, and, possibly, avoid losing to DePaul for the third time in five seasons.
We turn, now, to erudite analysis from the internet:
Congratulations to Georgetown on hiring Patrick Ewing. Let's all listen to their fight song in celebration https://t.co/CxNzLomLVD— We take the stairs (@NoEscalators) April 3, 2017
Patrick Ewing might be Georgetown's coach hmm— CONWAY TWEETY (@edsbs) April 3, 2017
i know one thing he can teach for sure https://t.co/tV3BonADls
Congratulations to new Georgetown head coach Patrick Chewing! pic.twitter.com/0b3lDxne2K— Adam Jacobi (@Adam_Jacobi) April 3, 2017
Here is Mike Francesa the day John Thompson III was fired, informing us that Patrick Ewing has "ZERO" chance to be the Georgetown coach! pic.twitter.com/T8SQsuZOAt— Sports Funhouse (@SportsFunhouse) April 3, 2017
No details on Ewing’s contract have been released, but firing Ewing down the road — assuming that Big John lives forever and is totally not the actual head coach calling the shots on The Hilltop — will be just as complicated and fun as III’s dismissal. If only Georgetown had listened to me a week ago and made a sane decision.