On Thursday, James Franco was elected president of the Syracuse Student Association. This shouldn’t surprise you in this day and age. I mean, we’ve had actors and wrestlers as governors. And a reality TV star is in the White House. So why wouldn’t undergrad student associations elect celebrities to man their own affairs as well?
I’m curious what sort of platform Franco even ran on. Perhaps it looked something like this:
Time travel. Everyone gets to pick a year -- but just within the last 60 — and go back to it while also fully committing themselves to messing up the timeline. No one’s allowed to go back to any truly important moment. Just random days that Franco selects.
Oz the Great and Powerful becomes a major... in the women’s and gender studies program, for reasons absolutely on one understands. When asked why he’d demand such a thing, Franco responded: “I mean, have you seen the movie? There are TONS of women in it.” When pushed on the fact that it took a story that centered on women facing tall odds and succeeding and boiled it down to a self-absorbed male protagonist, he replied, “I mean, NO ONE actually saw this movie.”
Spring Breakers will play on all available screens on campus at all times. This is not a drill.
Moves to rename the campus shuttles the Pineapple Express. When those opposed brought up the fact that no streets in Syracuse were named “pineapple” and that it made even less sense for a school whose teams are Orange, he alerted his dealer to this error in urban planning. By morning, every street on campus was named after strains of marijuana.
Requests that all students named Harry must now go by Harold. Makes Osborn a curse word around campus. Regularly heard muttering, crying about “Peter” for reasons he’s yet to disclose with the rest of the SA’s governing body.
And another thing: If we’re really going on and on about James Franco, he really isn’t that —
Oh, it’s not THAT James Franco. Just a student who just happens to be named “James Franco?” Carry on.