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What terrible ESPN shows could Tom Crean and John Thompson III host?

This... seems like a poor idea.

Eastern Washington v Georgetown Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

In one of ESPN’s more regrettable decisions, they hired two familiar names to build out its college basketball coverage this week.

You know them both, of course. Tom Crean was recently a failure at Indiana, while John Thompson III was recently a failure at Georgetown. Neither of those schools matter, but you might remember the many times the Syracuse Orange defeated both in important games.

Now, ESPN hasn’t expressly said that Crean and JTIII will be hosting shows together. But if you’re going to hire this much mediocrity at the same time, it only makes sense that you’d be going for some sort of land speed record in terrible, no?

Below, we propose some programs you’ll likely find on ESPNU or ESPN 8: the Ocho.

Pardon the Nepotism

A highlight show of Georgetown’s Patrick Ewing years, with occasional special guest Big John. The two Thompsons will force Crean to sit in a corner and watch the highlights of yesteryear, while openly recruiting for the Hoyas on television.

ESPNU Mystery Theater

Crean and Thompson tackle the biggest questions facing college sports today, like how to get beyond the second round of the NCAA Tournament, how to beat a 2-3 zone an does Tyler Lydon play defense?

NCAA Basketball: Indiana at Minnesota Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports


A concept is tossed out to Crean and Thompson, and they’re challenged to see if they “know their business.” No one sees the face of the mysterious figure pushing the concepts forward, but he’s tall, curmudgeonly and hates Denny’s.

Big East Power 6 in 60

Borrowing from the American’s “Power 6” insistence, the Big East wants in on the action. Crean and Thompson are forced to sit through Creighton vs. DePaul highlights on loop while trying to make the case that Syracuse ruined the league.

Tournament Tumult

In the weeks leading up to Selection Sunday, they look at the biggest losses around the country on a scale of “Florida Gulf Coast beats Georgetown” to “Syracuse blows out Indiana in the Sweet 16.”

Count the Championships

The two former coaches sit in front of a blank screen for 30 minutes. Sponsored by Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

Any other shows seem likely? Share your own below.