What has Boston College been doing to Paul Pasqualoni?

Yesterday was Paul Pasqualoni’s birthday. You remember Coach P, right? He of 18 years on the Syracuse Orange football staff (14 of those as head coach)? That guy we liked for awhile until we didn’t. Him.

So how’d he celebrate?

By being in a hostage situation, apparently.

Now this isn’t Coach P’s first go-around as a meme. And based on his penchant for strange faces in photos, it may not be his last either. You likely recall his UConn staff photo:

There, he simply seems stunned. In his new Boston College photo, however, there’s uneasiness. A discomfort, like he’s aghast at the proceedings, but not enough to be audibly emotive. Like he’s being held hostage...

So what is it keeping that look of despair on Coach P’s once jolly face? More directly, what the hell has Boston College been doing to him? Some guesses:

• Steve Addazio is writing “Be a Dude” on the wall with apricot jelly.
• He’s been locked under Alumni Stadium for weeks and is forced to watch just one season of “Friends.” Doesn’t matter which. Just one, on repeat.
• He’s just been informed that his contract at BC runs for 10 years, regardless of head coaching change.
• The Eagles have forced him to watch BC’s offensive tape from every game last year. Admittedly, this is what my face looked like rewatching Orange games for the past three seasons as well.
• Baldwin, the Eagles’ mascot, is sitting across from him, silent except for the one time per hour when he hums “I’m Shipping Up to Boston.”
• Boston College has foregone summer camp in favor of “FLUTIE!” a new musical they’ll be bringing to the local theater based on the only meaningful play in Eagles football history. It lasts four hours and they’re on the fifth run-through for P.

Any other hypotheses as to what fate has befallen Pasqualoni? Theorize away in the comments.