I was blissfully going about my day when I checked the FanShots and saw one from tommyt330 titled “Rakeem Christmas for Extendotree.” My first thought was, oh God, what kind of low-rent boner pill is Rak schilling for?” My second thought was, “Oh wait, this is gonna be Christmas-related, isn’t it?”
And so I watched the video, just as I will make you watch the video now. At first I figured it was an ad. And then it didn’t seem like an ad. It seemed more like a sketch. But then I thought the product must be real. But why is everyone being so weird? And then I checked and the company behind the ad is a real company. And I was so confused. So walk through this with me and let’s figure out what the hell is going on.
You’d be remiss for thinking this is a CollegeHumor sketch making fun of unnecessary holiday products for the first 3:20. But then...
“The devotion to greatness paid off. So, we knew we had to have an equally-great pitchman.”
Enter Rakeem Christmas. And just like that, everything is wonderful.
“Natural fit? Sure it ain’t truly cause my last name be Christmas?”
Give the man an Oscar now.
“As a 6’10” professional basketball player...”
I’m gonna be honest with you. Originally, I thought he said “six-time professional basketball player,” which sounded amazing and weird and I wish he had said that now.
“...I already needed a big tree. But that still didn’t solve the issue of fitting gigantic presents from hhgregg underneath. Extendotree has changed all of that. Thanks, Extendotree.”
Imagine telling freshman Rakeem Christmas that one day he’s be saying “Thanks, Extendotree.”
Honestly, I’m just glad that a Syracuse Orange career wearing a jersey that read “Christmas” with the number 25 paid off financially for the big man.