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Syracuse v. Georgetown basketball preview: Q&A with Casual Hoya

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A huge idiot answers questions from one of God's beautiful creatures.

Photo by Nate Shron/Getty Images

Casual Hoya, in case you’re unaware, is, over the last two seasons, the only team-specific site on SB Nation to register a loss to perennial basketball powerhouse Arkansas State. He graciously took time away from ruining the economy to answer some important questions from my gigantic brain.

It’s been over a year since we last proved how superior of a human I am to you. How have things been? Has Georgetown lost to any Gulf Coasts since we last spoke?

If by superior you mean inferior then yes, and my how time has flown by since the Hoyas whooped the Orange at Verizon last year. Man, I remember that as if it were yesterday, you know?

The Hoyas haven’t lost to any Gulf Coasts but we did lose to something called Arkansas State. Good times.

Also, you are horrible.

Georgetown has lost to teams from four different states so far this season and has accomplished this great achievement in two different time zones (congrats, by the way). Georgetown still has a chance to lose to teams from eight other states. So, I’m looking at the electoral map and all I see is Georgetown piloting a bus engulfed in flames into a TNT factory — there are 195 basketball electoral votes up for grabs, and according to 538Pom, Georgetown only gets 95 votes (assuming the Maryland votes are split). The Hoyas are a national embarrassment and political basketball scientists will write long papers about this slow walk into the ocean off the Florida Gulf Coast while inhaling deeply.

I yearn for the day that I can sit next to you and enjoy the weed that you smoked before putting together this non-question. What you neglected to include, however, is that we’ll also be the only team from the Big East to win a game in Canada after we paste you at the Carrier Dome.

I think you’re on to something re the field of political basketball scientists and think that preachy soapbox hero Jay Bilas would make an excellent professor of same.

Alright, egghead — How would you fire John Thompson III:

  1. Cutting the not-so-subtle fishing string connected to his limbs and revealing that Big John has been puppeteering this whole show the entire time?
  2. Inviting him to a surprise party where Big John jumps out of a cake while the whole building is set on fire?
  3. Out of a cannon and into the sun?

Egghead! Aw, shucks.

OK, let’s tackle all of these juicy options one by one.

  1. At this point most Hoyas fans fully realize that the program is controlled by Big John so the big reveal of a puppet show wouldn’t really do much for us. By the way, have you been to a puppet show recently? Do you consider The Lion King musical to be an elaborate puppet show? I like The Lion King musical very much, especially that killer opener when they march an elephant down the aisle. Oh man, I really like The Lion King musical. I envision your precious coach in waiting Mike Hopkins singing “I just can’t wait to be king” in front of a mirror and it makes me chuckle.
  2. Though I’d love to see Big John jump out of a cake kind of like how Erika Eleniak did in UNDER SIEGE (my guess is that none of the millennials in your shitty audience will even know what that movie is but here’s the scene), I’m not sure what the upside would be to setting the building on fire unless that building were the Carrier Dome but I’m not sure why there would be a surprise party for JT3 at the Carrier Dome. Also, you need to realize that even if this cake event occurred and the building were to be set on fire, both Big John and JT3 would emerge out of that thing like Khaleesi. They are invincible.
  3. The cannon into the sun thing is intriguing on many levels, but none more so than I really want to see a canon erected that would have the firepower to send someone to the Sun. Could probably sell tickets to this event, maybe even have it take place at halftime of a Hoyas game at Verizon Center so at least 3,000 fans could see it.

What would you rather have — Georgetown-Syracuse trading home games on a yearly basis for the rest of eternity (or until I maliciously murder you with your own limbs), or a yearly Turkey Tournament in the northeast featuring Syracuse, Georgetown, and Connecticut — the three winningest teams in the history of the Big East Tournament — and a rotating invitational team of your choosing, each playing three games.

You had me at hello. I have another idea as well. How about you dudes, UConn, Pitt, and West Virginia admit that your football-based decision to leave the Big East has been an abject disaster, then you come back to the Big East for hoops so that we don’t have to live in an imaginary world with Turkey Tournaments and we all hold hands and maybe go see The Lion King musical together.

Bradley Hayes was Chief Jerk last year at the Verizon Center. Assuming he doesn’t transfer before Saturday, who else will try real hard to not cry in the handshake line after Syracuse pounds Georgetown in the Dome?

Bold assumption. I think you’ll be seeing more of Jessie Govan at the 5 spot than Bradley Hayes, as Jessie can knock down jumpers and stuff and is a marginally better passer. As far as the crying goes, the tears of the fat and pasty Syracuse fans are the sweetest tears in the world, and I expect a deluge come 2pm-ish eastern time on Saturday.

Best Netflix original series to binge watch right now: Narcos, or something clearly inferior to Narcos?

Here’s the thing with Narcos. It’s a great show, no diggity, but it’s like, impossible to binge watch due to the subtitle factor. I love the show as much as the next guy, but if you’re requiring me to pay full attention to the screen the whole time instead of refreshing my twitter feed or doing my hair, then that’s a big ask and frankly I’d rather power through a season of that really overrated comedy with Aziz Ansari.

You are poop.

How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?

You will die like dogs.