Hoya Suxa Presents: Holiday Gift Ideas for the Hoyas in Your Life

‘Tis the season!

By Hoya Suxa@HoyaSuxa Dec 16, 2016, 9:00am EST

Hoya Suxa, the website, no longer exists. Hoya Suxa, the person, still exists. He'll be writing literary masterpieces ahead of the Syracuse-Georgetown game. Abigail Adams is our guide: "I have been to Georgetown and felt all that [a friend] described when she was a resident there. It is the very dirtiest hole I ever saw for a place of any trade, or respectability of inhabitants. . . ."

— Flesh wounds.

— A Neck Punch o' the Month Club membership.

— Molotov eggnogs.

— Spackle to fill the hole in their chest where a soul should be.

— A dreamcatcher that only allows thoughts of off-the-rack suits through.

— A plush toy of their favorite Sesame Street character: Smugaluffagus.

— A copy of "Self-Immolation and You: For the Greater Good."

— A handwritten Christmas card/ransom note wishing for a blessed holiday season/a bag filled with $500,000 in unmarked, nonsequential bills to be left down at the docks.