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Hoya Suxa Presents: Short Roger Ebert Review of Georgetown v. Florida Gulf Coast Game Film

Four stars!

Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images

Hoya Suxa, the website, no longer exists. Hoya Suxa, the person, still exists. He'll be writing literary masterpieces ahead of the Syracuse-Georgetown game. Abigail Adams is our guide: "I have been to Georgetown and felt all that [a friend] described when she was a resident there. It is the very dirtiest hole I ever saw for a place of any trade, or respectability of inhabitants. . . ."

Georgetown v. Florida Gulf Coast Game Film

* * * *

The year: 2013. Dunk City, under the direction of a man only known as Enfield, is a terrifying cacophony of dunking, brutally slamming all over those that oppose its volition, posterizing challenges to the furious jamming from Dunk City’s unquestioned authority. This is the future or a near-past — the time is never clear, but the reality ultimately portends an existence where men are rendered late of this world in an unquenchable deluge of alley-oops and fatal facial rearrangements.

Amidst this savage dunking a group emerges from the former overground, now bunkered underground within the reaches of the former capital. The Elites, those that dominated — or at least claimed to command — what preceded Dunk City, a place only referred to as When Huey Lewis Was Cool, an identification whispered in hushed tones and obsolete to the generation of those that participated in the Dunk City coup, are in severe conflict with Enfield and his insurgent class of two-handed, rim-rattling stuffs. The Chosen, tabbed as one of the strongest forces The Elites deemed worthy of exceptional status, are sent to stem the Dunk City revolution, seeking to depose Enfield and his merciless dunking assassins.

The anthology of film is littered with egregious violence. Never before, however, has film presented a perfect 40 minutes of rage and anger, offering a tsunami of unstoppable and unrelenting tomahawk dunks. Otto Porter, the leader of The Chosen, was dunked on so viciously that his actual self, as opposed to the Porter depicted on the screen in a dimension where Enfield sought to have his essence evaporated on a run-out power throw-down, should have left this earth and found residence within the great realm of Dunked On. It is a hysterical film of cruel dunking, and I’ve never been happier in a theater.

Georgetown v. Florida Gulf Coast Game Film is a triumph of the human spirit, emboldened by the complete and absolute demolition of the Hoyas’ soul.

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