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Syracuse football is looking for a special teams quality control coach

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I have one idea.

LSU v Syracuse Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images

This afternoon, Syracuse.com’s Stephen Bailey was kind enough to alert me to a matter that required our immediate attention here at TNIAAM.

The Syracuse Orange football program is looking to hire a (temporary) special teams quality control coach. This is very relevant to our recent discussions here, given the very real struggles of SU special teams since the start of his season. Special teams is currently under Tom Kaufman’s purview, but since he also handles linebackers, perhaps he could use some help.

Your first instinct is “why don’t we just hire Steve Gregory back?” And I agree, that’s the sensible thing to do, given the improved results when he was on the staff last season. But we always try to think outside the box here, so I have another candidate in mind:

Me, of course.

While my recent applications for athletic director and t-shirt designer were rejected, this could be the perfect opportunity for me to join Syracuse athletics once and for all. Let’s take a look at those qualifications...

Job Title: Temporary Football Quality Control-Special Teams

Looking past the “temporary” part here, I see the ability to help shape the future of Orange football. Ain’t nothin’ gonna break my stride ain’t nothin’ gonna hold m—

Pay Range: $13.66 per hour

Erm, we’ll need to discuss this a bit...

Job Description

The Temporary Football Quality Control Special Teams position shall be responsible for supporting the football staff in implementing the special team’s game plan and will be a multi-use resource for the program. This person will have a variety of tasks including but not limited to film breakdown and report creation, opponent and self scout studies, recruiting and evaluation projects, and other tasks at the discretion of the coaching staff.

I literally do all of these tasks already. Things are looking up!

Qualifications

Bachelor’s degree and one-year football or athletic management experience or equivalent combination of positions or experiences in athletics administration or comparable organization.

How about athletic BLOG management experience? I’ve got well more than one year of that. My bachelor’s degree is from New York’s College University, Syracuse.

Job Specific Qualifications

Previous experience in a football setting either coaching or playing preferred.

TNIAAM is a football setting. I also played football as a kid. You didn’t say when that playing or coaching had to take place. Or that it was mandatory.

Experience breaking down opponent film and creating reports. Previous knowledge of defensive schemes and player personnel evaluations.

Again: HELLO. Not only do I know schemes, I know YOUR schemes. And just because I’m not writing up lengthy articles about the defense and special teams, it doesn’t mean I’m unaware of what goes on there. I just want to stay married.

Familiarity and understanding of policy issues concerning the administration of intercollegiate athletics and higher education.

Yes.

Ability to direct and perform confidential detailed work with accuracy under deadline pressure.

Writer. And I have clients in my day job. Made for this.

Strong analytical, written and verbal communication and interpersonal skills combined with the ability to interact with diverse department, University and community constituencies.

I’d contend I’ve significantly reduced my profanity-laced fits in comment sections, so that sounds like interpersonal skills.

Mature and professional attitude and the ability to manage and direct multiple tasks at one time.

I spend entire games on Twitter AND the comment section AND watching. That’s not just multiple tasks. It’s SEVERAL tasks.

Working knowledge of and familiarity with NCAA rules and regulations is preferred. Excellent organization and time management skills required.

I feel like the answer here is yes.

Ability to work independently with minimal supervision required. Demonstrated proficiency in Microsoft Office, XOS, Overtime recruiting software or the equivalent, and ability to integrate computer information technology systems into all aspects of the department’s affairs.

I’m a fast learner. What’s this recruiting software you speak of? How about I just make photopshops like all the other fans do?

***

Nowhere on this does it say I HAVE TO be on-site in Syracuse. Simply that the position is based in Syracuse. Until such point where SU has said they will not accept remote applicants, I’m considering myself in this race. As we’ve discussed before, I enjoy sun and a lack of seasons, so will not be relocating -- especially for $13.66 per hour. Though, Sean, how much do you pay me again????