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TNIAAM Roast Week: Hoya Suxa

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Once again, Sean is relying on someone else to create good content for his site.

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10 years of Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician. What an incredible accomplishment. Really, it is. All those years, all those posts, and you still have the dedication and desire to wake up every day and rip off The Post-Standard.

It’s nice to see that you’ve replicated The Post-Standard’s print schedule, delivering readable material only three days a week.

The Post-Standard went through a round of layoffs to the sports department a few years ago and, in solidarity, you decided not to publish the fired employees’ stories anymore.

Somehow you’ve managed to not rip off Bud Poliquin and that’s only because you can’t CTRL+C what’s on a typewriter.

I’m not saying that this site is 100% reliant on The Post-Standard for content, but it does explain why you ran that Get to Know Your DeWitt Board of Education Member summer series.

To be fair, you do make dry stories from The Post-Standard more interesting to read. I can’t play Find the Massive Typos when reading the story first on syracuse.com.

I still can’t believe that you parlayed this site into an adjunct teaching position at Syracuse, which is probably why the school's U.S. News & World Report ranking continues to plummet. The class you taught was on blogging, which is just a fancy word for "copyright infringement." You have such a good feel for internet sports fans that you thought it’d be a good idea for me to run SB Nation’s college lacrosse site. Over a four-year period I managed to turn a site that nobody read into a site that nobody wanted to read.

And yet you somehow convinced someone at Curbed that this site was relatable experience for writing a real estate blog. I guess this makes sense — writing about Greg Robinson’s tenure set you up nicely to write about other controlled infrastructure demolitions.

You’re so busy now writing about real estate that you went and and brought on a new editor — Cassillo. The last time this much useless weight was making news Laurie Fine was on my television. Cassillo sucks so hard that he’s looking for a new contributor role on PornHub. I get Amber Alert notifications that are more exciting than updates that Cassillo has published something.

Despite your success as a blogger, there are some people out there that hate you and this site. Which is probably why you got a dog — so you can pick up shit from a different big, dumb animal.

Speaking of people that hate you and this site, we're blessed to have Casual Hoya here with us this week honoring Sean. Casual Hoya's site is so bad that the kids locked in his basement won't even read it. Casual Hoya is so desperate to root for a team with a killer instinct that he's started supporting ISIS. You'll have to excuse Casual Hoya if he doesn't understand how something can have 10 continuous years of success after the '80's. Casual Hoya's site is so overrated that it got upset by Mid-Major Madness.

On the topic of mid-majors, UConn supporter NoEscalators has been invited to offer his thoughts about this site. It must be tough for him, though, in the midst of conference realignment as Storrs has all the allure of watching an orphanage burn to the ground. It was pretty smart of New York City to designate Storrs as the Sixth Borough so that they could ease the strain on Staten Island's dump. If Anne Frank had been hiding in Storrs her diary would have been one entry -- "Please find me." NoEscalators is so dumb that he sneezes extra chromosomes. NoEscalators' greatest accomplishment has been surviving his own abortion.

But back to Sean. You’re not just blogging. You’ve leveraged the success of this site into frequent appearances on Brent Axe’s radio show, expanding your brand into the coveted demographic of More Idiots. I don’t know how you make rent, but it can’t be because you’re selling hundreds of copies of How to Grow an Orange. Look at this community of mutants — most of them haven’t seen a vagina since a guy in gloves yanked them out of the womb and congratulated their mother on a brand new drain on society.

Seriously, look around at this community, Sean. You’ve done it — you’ve finally realized your dream of writing a hostage video.

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In all seriousness, congratulations on 10 years, Sean. We’ve been at this a long time and some of the most fun that I’ve had writing on the internet has been with you. From Blogger through SB Nation, it has been a blast weaving in and out of each other’s flight plan. You’re a genuinely good guy and the truth is that there aren’t enough people like you knocking around the writing universe. Please don’t jump off the top of a building.