What kind of cake do we want Syracuse Football to be?

Dino Babers didn’t seem to be enjoying himself on Saturday following another big loss. By Monday, it seemed like he’d taken a big breath and calmed down. Soon he was back to sharing a vision of Syracuse Orange football that only he could through witty repartee.

That’s what I was saying but in far less cake-based terms!

However if we are going to put things in cake-based terms, well then batter up (sorry). Dino wants us to get excited about the Syracuse Football cake to come. So before we cut a slice, let’s look back at the desserts we’ve been eating for the last 15 years to get a taste of what we’re possibly in for.

Epicurious

The End of the Coach P Era (2005 - 2008)

Cake: Orange upside-down cake

The previous decade had been one of relative harmony. Syracuse routinely won 7-9 football games every year. We even won a couple conference titles. We went to bowl games every year, we were nationally-ranked at times, and the Carrier Dome was packed with 40K+ fans all the time. These were halcyon days.

Then, after Donovan McNabb left, it all started to go a bit upside down. Aside from one 10-win season in 2001, we started losing more games than we were winning. Bowl games were suddenly luxuries. The fans started trickling away. Everything we thought we knew about how things worked was upended and soon Coach P was gone as well.

The Greg Robinson Era (2005 - 2008)

Cake: This cake that looks like an orange with poop on it

Yes, I know that’s supposed to be a pumpkin but “supposed to” is basically what sums up both the cake and GERG’s reign of terror. We had such high hopes. We envisioned amazing things. Instead, we were left with a giant turd and we had no choice but to just try to eat around it for as long as we could.

Carvel

The Doug Marrone Era (2009 - 2012)

Cake: Cookie Puss

I’m not saying it’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever see but god dammit that is a tasty cake and I refuse to believe you’d actually prefer some ornate fluffy nonsense over this. So much more going on here than you think. The ice cream cone nose. The chocolate crunchies (the best thing ever invented). The ice cream so hard you have to “cut those cakes with a f***ing lightsaber.”

The point being that you might not think much of a Carvel ice cream cake but if you grew up eating them you remember them fondly. Maybe you don’t think much of Marrone now but the dude made Syracuse a winner again and we can all look back fondly on all those Pinstripe Bowls even if no one else thinks they’re that great.

Tammy Green

The Scott Shafer Era (2013 - 2015)

Cake: Flourless chocolate cake

When you ordered it, you thought to yourself, “This is good. It’s chocolatey, so that’s decadent and something I really want.” You take the first bite. It’s good. You tell everyone at the table how much you’re enjoying it. They nod in agreement. You take the second bite. It’s...still fine. Then the third bite and you start to realize that it’s actually kinda missing something. It’s a little dry. It’s not as flavorful as you expected. You start wishing you’d have just ordered the chocolate volcano cake instead. You might as well have, right? After the fourth bite you put your fork down and just hope someone else finishes it.

Funfetti cake

The Dino Babers Era (2016 - ???)

Theoretical Cake: Funfetti cake

As you get older, your palette tends to become more refined. You start to appreciate certain types of chocolate over others. You might become accustom to a certain level of ingredients. You start looking for desserts with things like hazelnuts in them or you only want things with French-sounding names. Maybe you only eat cake on special occasions. And then one day you show up as a kid’s birthday party (hopefully because you know them) and the parents cut into a funfetti cake made of sprinkle-loaded batter and topped with even more sprinkles and your inner child turns into a WWE crowd during a Daniel Bryan match.

And there you are, stuffing your face with a cake made for a six-year-old because it’s f***ing fun and awesome and reminds you why you started eating cake in the first place. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT TO EAT CAKE ALL THE TIME???