So it's pretty much settled that walk-on transfer Zack Mahoney will be the starting quarterback on Saturday when the Syracuse Orange host the No. 8 LSU Tigers in the Carrier Dome.
As you're probably aware by now, Mahoney's nickname amongst teammates is The Officer. If you somehow don't know why, it's because when you think of the name Mahoney, you think of Sgt. Carey Mahoney from the Police Academy movies. At least you should.
It works because Mahoney was the "leader" of the ragtag recruits-turned-cops in those movies and Mahoney will be the leader of the Syracuse offense this weekend. So if we've got a Mahoney, we need to figure out which players represent the other cadets.
We're sticking with offensive players since those are the guys who'll be playing alongside Mahoney. Tackleberry seems like too perfect a nickname for Ron Thompson, but, alas.
Moses Hightower: Rob Trudo
Known for his stature and superhuman strength, Hightower was the intimidation and muscle that the group could rely on.The 6'3", 284-pound Trudo is back in the lineup and will be charged with leading the big boys up front and protecting Mahoney from danger. Sounds about right.
Eugene Tackleberry: Brisly Estime
Known for his love of firearms and using said firearms in a haphazard manner, Tackleberry is the guy with a multitude of weapons at his disposal. Estime is the wild card of the Syracuse offense and special teams. He can catch passes, return kicks and...who knows what else he's got hidden up his sleeve?
Larvell "Motormouth" Jones: Devante McFarlane
You know, when you think about it, if you take away Jones's sound effects, he doesn't really add any value to the crew. I can't remember any time he was personally responsible for solving a crime or that his being there benefited anyone. He was basically a loud distraction. I went with McFarlane because so far we've talked a lot more about what he could do than what he has done.
Carl Sweetchuck: Austin Wilson
Sweetchuck was the diminutive geek and he always looked out of place amongst the bigger and better-looking policemen and women around him. Unfortunately for Wilson, his reputation on the field continues to be the guy who doesn't quite seem like he belongs out there and needs to be bailed out by others.
Zed McGlunk: Jordan Fredericks
Zed began as a hyperactive, antisocial gang leader and later (somehow) became a police officer. Still, he never lost that lunatic edge and wild-man image. While not one of the first people you think of when you think of Police Academy, he often made the most of moments he was given. Gotta go with Fredericks, who has catapulted to the top of the running back heap with strong performance after strong performance.
Laverne Hooks: Steve Ishmael
Most of the time Hooks was soft-spoken and unassertive, but if you pissed her off she instantly became the loudest and most frightening person in the room. That's Steve Ishmael. The wide receiver hasn't had a lot of chances so far this season and spends most of the game lurking in the background. But when he gets his moment, he takes full advantage. There's a reason he leads the team in reception yards.
Debbie Callahan: Erv Phillips
The sex appeal of the unit, people were constantly marveling at Callahan's, um, assets. We look to you, Phillips, who has the most promise of anyone on the offense not named Dungey. We've marveled at what he's done so far in limited action...imagine what he could be capable of at full-strength and with the focus of the offense?
Nick Lassard: AJ Long
Mahoney's "replacement" after the fourth movie, he was doomed to always be in his shadow. Unfortunately for Long, it might turn out the same way. He's a perfectly capable leader, but, just not the one many want. Of course, Long may end up losing out to Dungey and not Mahoney, but, the idea still holds.
Captain Harris: Scott Shafer
Now, I'm not saying Scott Shafer is the "bad guy" in all this. But he is the guy who gets up in front of people and berates them. No one has starting pranking Shafer in the same way Harris was the brunt of so many jokes, but, we think there might be a Syracuse.com reporter or two who wouldn't mind pulling the ol' Krazy Glue-Megaphone tricker.
Carl Proctor: Tim Lester
Harris's lackey (check), Proctor was always speaking out of turn (check) and gullibly trusting others to carry out the plan on his behalf only to be let down (check). Of course, Lester isn't the dimwit that Proctor was. At least we hope he's not.