Hoya Suxa Presents: Georgetown Class Notes: December 2015

Hoya Suxa, the website, no longer exists. Hoya Suxa, the person, still exists. He'll be writing literary masterpieces ahead of the renewed Syracuse-Georgetown rivalry. Abigail Adams is our guide: "I have been to Georgetown and felt all that [a friend] described when she was a resident there. It is the very dirtiest hole I ever saw for a place of any trade, or respectability of inhabitants. . . ."

Hello, fellow Hoyas!  We've been hearing from many of you since our last update and we're very excited to share some of your recent accomplishments with the rest of the Georgetown community.  Hoya Saxa!

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Daphne Harrison (COL, '03) checks in to say that she recently married into a family of appropriate class and station, as well as to her father's demanding approval. Let us be the first to wish you good luck in your future extra-marital affairs!

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Attention! Attention! We have a birth announcement! Jeffrey Thompson (SFS, '98) and Lara Robeson Thompson (COL, '97) are now the proud parents of a baby boy named Beckett Augustus Thompson. They are very excited to form a trust for their newborn that will be used as a substitute for actual love and daily parenting responsibilities.  Congratulations and good luck, guys!  You sound like you have this parenting stuff down pat!

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We saw that Janie Hewitt (COL, '86) was named Executive Vice President of Development at The Children's Fund of Greater Greenwich. I would just like to be the first to say that Janie can go straight to hell because she is a slutty bitch. YOU STOLE JOHNSTON PETERMAN (MSB, '84) FROM ME WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER IN DARNALL HALL! YOU KNEW THAT WE WERE IN LOVE AND YOU STILL WENT AFTER HIM! DADDY TOLD EVERYONE AT THE YACHT CLUB THAT WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED! WE STILL CAN'T SHOW OUR FACES IN THERE!

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We do have some sad news to report in this edition of Georgetown Class Notes.  Jahidi White (COL, '98) ate Lee Scruggs (COL, '00) during the post-game buffet following a Georgetown alumni basketball fundraiser.  White has been sentenced to six years hard dieting at a remote fat camp.  Our condolences go out to the Scruggs family.  (Although, if it provides any comfort, we are told that Lee was delicious.)

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Drew Bushton (SFS, '92) sent us an email that I think we can all relate to:

"As the years pass, I remember less and less about the actual material I learned in the classroom at Georgetown and more about the life lessons imparted upon me while on The Hilltop.  For example, there's an old adage that someone taught me sophomore year at Georgetown that really proved true last month: The happiest days of your life are the day you buy a boat and the day you are acquitted of second-degree manslaughter for drunkenly piloting said boat into a dock filled with kids and adorable puppies attending an annual 'The Children Are Our Future Bass Fishing Competition and Puppy Extravaganza' by using your father's connections and a mystery bag of money left at the airport with a big green dollar sign on it.

It's that kind of practical guidance that made me proud to shout 'Hoya Saxa!' as I left the courthouse a free man to the displeasure of those in attendance!"