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Hoya Suxa Presents: Georgetown Industries, Ltd. Product Catalog

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Pure genius from Hoya Suxa.

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Hoya Suxa, the website, no longer exists. Hoya Suxa, the person, still exists. He'll be writing literary masterpieces ahead of the renewed Syracuse-Georgetown rivalry. Abigail Adams is our guide: "I have been to Georgetown and felt all that [a friend] described when she was a resident there. It is the very dirtiest hole I ever saw for a place of any trade, or respectability of inhabitants. . . ."

GEORGETOWN INDUSTRIES, LTD. PRODUCT CATALOG

Georgetown Industries, Ltd., a subsidiary of the Happy Homes, Inc. conglomerate, is a leading consumer products enterprise that manufactures first class family goods. Georgetown Industries, Ltd.'s product lines are at the forefront of domestic wares and represent the finest innovations in consumer product merchandise. Whatever your needs, Georgetown Industries, Ltd. is Support for Your LifeTM.

UNREGULATED VAT OF INDETERMINATE LIQUID THAT DEFINITELY ISN'T AN UNREGULATED VAT OF ACIDTM -- $484 PER GALLON
This is a top of the line unregulated vat of indeterminate liquid that is definitely not an unregulated vat of acid. Selling a vat of acid without regard to regulatory requirements is illegal and, therefore, this is definitely not an unregulated vat of acid that can be used to efficiently dispose of the remains of your enemies. This unregulated vat of indeterminate liquid can be used for many legal household purposes, like removing the nail polish from the person that's lying in your bath tub drenched in blood and whose DNA is all over the meat cleaver currently clutched in your left hand. Please do not bring this unregulated vat of indeterminate liquid in contact with skin (unless it's not your own).

HOT STARTTM SURVIVAL FIRE KIT -- $836
Starting a blaze has never been easier! The Hot StartTM Survival Fire Kit is the recognized industry leader among home fire kits, providing quick and reliable fire creation in the most difficult of circumstances. The lightweight container is easy to carry and its tidy size allows for discrete storage should the police come around asking nosy questions about how your house "accidentally" caught fire after an unsolved homicide committed against your former tennis partner occurred in the totally coincidental location of your former residence. Use only as directed and ensure that all homeowner's insurance is current for decidedly unrelated reasons.

ABSOLUTELY LEGITIMATE CAR WASH BUSINESSTM -- CALL FOR PRICING
You probably own a car. Other people probably own cars. And all of those cars need to be washed! The Absolutely Legitimate Car Wash BusinessTM is the finest car wash business on the market, offering pristine automotive care while not being a front to launder illegally-procured monies from a a non-fraud that wasn't driven by evidence concealment. Join millions of other small business owners in shaping your future and your bank account!*

*Unsolicited financial advice: Do not own a bank account because cash is king, easily transferrable, and can't be frozen. Georgetown Industries, Ltd. cares about your privacy and does not recognize the power of the government to seize any property, especially if the government just doesn't understand what really went down back there with Janie.

MAKE BELIEVE TIMETM COSTUME AND MAKEUP SET -- $135
Sometimes it's fun to pretend and play dress up! The Make Believe TimeTM Costume and Makeup Set has it all -- sunglasses, hats, fake mustaches and noses, phony identification documents from Ukraine that are guaranteed to permit easy ingress and egress between nations as you live out all of your imaginative fantasies that obviously aren't linked to the life of a fugitive fleeing from justice due to baseless accusations and convictions returned in absentia. If you can't actually be someone else, this is the next best thing!