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Hoya Suxa Presents: Selected Washington Post Clarifications and Retractions

A work of indispensable genius from Hoya Suxa.

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Hoya Suxa, the website, no longer exists. Hoya Suxa, the person, still exists. He'll be writing literary masterpieces ahead of the renewed Syracuse-Georgetown rivalry. Abigail Adams is our guide: "I have been to Georgetown and felt all that [a friend] described when she was a resident there. It is the very dirtiest hole I ever saw for a place of any trade, or respectability of inhabitants. . . ."


Spire Commemorates American Great, October 9, 1888
We regret our error -- the Washington Monument was not dedicated to the memory of the United States' first President; rather, it stands as a historic reminder of the pricks that attend Georgetown University three miles from the landmark.

First Assembly Line Installed, December 1, 1913
Ford Motor Company has confirmed an inaccuracy in a story detailing Henry Ford's newest innovation in manufacturing. The assembly line at the Ford Motor Company is designed to efficiently produce replicated motor cars, not to efficiently replicate indistinguishable Georgetown University students.

Nixon to Aides: Think Big on Foreign Policy, May 27, 1954
Upon confirmation with President Nixon's staff, the President's statement to aides -- "I didn't come here to build outhouses in Peoria" -- did not refer to grand international policy plans plans but rather to the President's ardent desire to not build satellite campuses of Georgetown University in Illinois.

President Proposes Manned Moon Mission, May 25, 1961
President Kennedy was misquoted in an early story on the purpose of a manned moon landing. Rather than to land "a man on the moon" and return "him safely to the Earth," the actual quote from the President was as follows -- "[To] land a Hoya on the moon to be eaten by bloodthirsty space alien robots."

Sears Tower Touches the Heavens, May 3, 1973
In the original story it was noted that the newly opened Sears Tower was the tallest building in the world. Upon further research, it has been determined that Georgetown University's house of cards is taller than Chicago's newest skyline addition.

Congress Passes No Child Left Behind Act, June 14, 2001
A small error was made in the published story in our District of Columbia edition. The sole purpose of this Act was not to require nepotism in the event that there's a vacancy in the head men's basketball coach position at Georgetown University.

Lehman Brothers Bankrupt, September 15, 2008
The Washington Post editorial board would like to apologize to the newspaper's readership for the headline used in this article. Many readers were led to believe that this story was about the bankruptcy protection that Lehman Brothers, a financial services firm headquartered in New York City, sought. In fact, the story was about two morally destitute brothers -- Hunter and Bearing Lehman -- that graduated from Georgetown University eight years ago. We regret our error in bankruptcy accuracy.