1. Can you sum up the state of college athletics any better than a conference making a huge deal out of italicizing its logo and using buzzwords to talk up its brand? You mock Darren Rovell but Darren Rovell is the only one who really gets the world, you guys.
2. The title of the announcement. "Atlantic Coast Conference Launches New Brand." 18-year-old me and 35-year-old me don't agree on much, but we both agree that we loathe this.
3. "The ACC is well-positioned for many future successes and we are pleased with our new branding that reflects our limitless potential," Commissioner John Swofford said. "The new, contemporary look modernizes and energizes the ACC mark, and, at the same time, still reflects the league’s history and rich tradition."
What does any of that mean in human-speak? How can any of that be verified scientifically? How can anyone read this and not immediately go...
4. "The ACC and SME gathered input from member institutions, alumni and fans in creating the new design."
Show of hands...who got a call from the ACC or SME asking for their input? If you suggested, "just italicize it," keep your hand up so we know who you are.
5. "Set in a custom-designed font created specifically for the league, the logo leans forward toward the conference’s ever-present goal of excellence. The lettering is accentuated by a bold, silver underline that symbolizes the ACC’s journey toward a bright future."
Fact: Seven puppies died in the crafting of this paragraph.
6. "Fans will see the logo on display via many applications – team uniforms, merchandise, facilities and digital platforms such as websites, social media and television."
Again, if you went out and bought new merchandise today just because of the new logo, keep your hand up. We will set your soul free soon enough.
7. "We feel that it well represents the high standard and values the ACC has held for more than 61 years."
How? In what legitimate way is that a thing? Why is my brain collapsing on itself?
8. The ACC Brand Book, which accompanied the release, includes a quote from Aristotle. You made it, 'Stotle. Finally.
9. THIS BULLSHIT.
WE ARE A UNIQUE MEMBER. REMEMBER THAT!
10. If I'm Harriet Beecher Stowe, I am super, super psyched about this...