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You Wouldn't Have Listened Anyway, UConn

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We get it, UConn. We know why you tried to make it work. But we also knew it wouldn't.

Mark L. Baer-USA TODAY Sports

Tell me if you've ever been in this situation.

You find yourself speaking with a high school senior or college freshman. They're telling you about their upcoming plans, what they're expecting, how it's all going. Somewhere along the way they mention their girlfriend/boyfriend. They've been together for eight months. Eight strong months. And since he/she is only going to college three hours away, they're gonna stay together.

You know it's doomed. You've seen it happen over and over and over. It might have even happened to you. You remember that feeling, like you knew better. As if the feelings you had with your significant other were different than everyone else's. You were soulmates. Fate put you in the same third-period World History class and put your desks next to one another. He/she like 75% of the movies you like. You both like aged cheese but hate soft cheese. You're perfect together.

Why wouldn't you stay together? There's no good reason. And you certainly didn't let anyone who'd been through it convince you otherwise.

And now here you are on the opposite side of the coin. You know what's going to happen to that poor, hapless teenager. You know they're going to spend a couple months in college surrounded by brand new sexy people doing brand new sexy things while you're sexy-but-not-as-sexy-as-that-sexy-one-over-there BF/GF is three hours away, getting less sexy by the hour. You know they're going realize how naive it was to stay in the relationship sometime around the end of freshman year. You know they're going to rekindle things over the summer, convince themselves it can still work and then immediately regret that decision as soon as they head back for sophomore year. You know they're going to start an unhealthy friendship with a person they want to have sex with but can't so they'll them in a glass box in case of emergency. You know, one way or another, they're going to break up with the high school sweetheart sometime soon after. And you know that they're going to immediately regret having stayed together in the first place, I mean, did they really think they were special? That they were the 0.005% that stay together? Yes. Yes they did.

You know it's all coming. You know they can avoid it all if they just listen to you. But you also know they won't listen to you because...well, they know better and they're in love or some approximation of it and you couldn't possibly understand that.

There's nothing you can do but let nature take its course and watch the entire cycle repeat itself ad nauseum.

Anyway, UConn, we tried to tell you. You didn't listen. But...we get it. Now go have sex with your plutonic friend in the library (Lane Kiffin?).