The Syracuse Orange Fan's Guide To Scheduling Your Fall Wedding

You're getting married? Mazel Tov! What a fantastic blessing for you.

You've set a date between September and November without checking the Syracuse Orange football and basketball schedules? SHANDA FUR DIE GOYIM!

Jason Kirk over at SBNation wrote the definitive guide to scheduling (and not scheduling) your fall wedding based on the college football schedule. Now let's take it one step further and figure out the best and worst weekends for a Syracuse fan to schedule their wedding between the last weekend in August and the last weekend in November.

We'll go in order of best weekend to worst weekend...

Weekend of Saturday, September 28th - BYE

Syracuse has a bye week so, by God, take advantage of it. It's also the week between Syracuse's non-conference schedule and the beginning of their ACC schedule (Clemson). The SU fans at your wedding will have plenty to discuss while your best man is droning on for ten minutes about that time in college when you got wasted.

Weekend of Saturday, October 26th - BYE

Basically as good as the previous selection, just a little later in the year so it might be a bit chillier. The Orange will have played seven games by now and will be three games deep in ACC play, so everyone's either going to be really happy or really depressed. Such would be the case at your wedding regardless of any sports affiliations.

Weekend of Saturday, September 21st - Home vs. Tulane Green Wave

True, you're taking Syracuse fans away from what *should* be a gimme win, but you're also taking them far, far away from Tulane football. So...it's a wash.

Weekend of Saturday, September 14th - Home vs. Wagner Seahawks

You might think this one would be a better choice than Tulane but you'd be wrong (as usual). While this one is the gimme-ist of the gimme games, the Orange have a disturbing history of making FCS-opponent games into nail-biters. Orange fans will depressingly be more nervous and distracted by this one since a small part of them expects failure. Not exactly the kind of sentiment you want floating around your nuptials.

Weekend of Saturday, November 2nd - Home vs. Wake Forest Demon Deacons

Just on the cusp of the point in the season when football fans can live with missing a game, so it's a better choice than a late November tilt. Plus, it's Wake Forest. We're not even sure that's an actual school, location or forest. Plus, it gives Syracuse fans a chance to make wake/wedding jokes, if such things exist.

Weekend of Saturday, November 9th - At Maryland Terrapins

It's late in the season when bowl eligibility could be on the line, so that's not great. But of all the band aids left to rip off, this might be the least painful. If Syracuse fans have to miss a game, they'd rather miss a game that seems more winnable than others. And while this game isn't a gimme by any means, it feels more likely we'll win than, say, against Florida State. Plus, if things are going well, everyone can toast together. If SU is 2-6, everyone can get drunk together.

Weekend of Saturday, October 12th - At N.C. State Wolfpack

Gonna be honest, we're getting into the area where you can do no right scheduling a wedding around. NC State isn't a hated rival or anything but we've got a couple things to cling to (The God Damn Torry Holt Game, Mark Gottfried telling Boeheim not to "pop off.") Plus, this is probably going to be a season-making game. The Orange are likely to be in the 3-2/2-3 range and this game could tip the rest of the year. Depending on game-time, you're probably going to have an empty service or reception.

Weekend of Saturday, October 19th - At Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Kinda the same story as the NC State game. If we lose that Biggest Game of the Year, that makes this the Biggest Game of the Year. Biggest Game of the Year > Your starter marriage.

Weekend of Saturday, September 7th - At Northwestern Wildcats

It's a weird season for Syracuse. A non-conference game against Northwestern actually contains more emotional connection than half our conference games. The Wildcats stole a win from Syracuse last year and we've been waiting a long time to exact our vengeance. We're really glad you and your spouse persevered through the tough times but did your relationship have to survive an atrocious game-changing pass interference call? No, didn't think so.

Weekend of Saturday, November 16th - At Florida St. Seminoles

Huge, huge game. Not really sure what you're thinking. Your only saving grace is that we fully expect to lose this one. Hope you doubled-up on chocolate fountains for dessert cause depending on whether or not we see the final score, we're might end up drinking them dry.

Weekend of Saturday, October 5th - Home vs. Clemson Tigers

See previous, except that this one is guaranteed to be nationally-televised. If things go south, it's gonna get ugly. Ever see when all the fans throw t-shirts or balls back onto the field after a loss? Better make your party favors soft-edged.

Weekend of Saturday, November 23rd - Home vs. Pittsburgh Panthers

Normally I wouldn't say that a Pitt football game requires that much emotional investment but it's the date that matters. This could be the game that determines bowl eligibility. This game could actually end up having huge implications. Then again, it's the week after the FSU game so maybe this is just important so that we can all learn to feel again. Oh, and the SU Basketball season will have begun by now so there's probably a game this weekend. You want to take all of this away from us so that we can watch you eat cake? F*** you.

Weekend of Saturday, November 30th - Home vs. Boston College Eagles

First of all, it's Thanksgiving Weekend. What kind of emotional monster are you that you needed to make everyone change their plans so that you could own that weekend? Second of all, it's the re-birth of the rivalry between Syracuse and BC. 20 years from now, you'll look back on this game as "where it all really started." NOT TO MENTION, this is probably the same weekend that Syracuse Basketball will be playing in the Maui Invitational. Go re-prioritize your life, you succubus.

Weekend of Saturday, August 31st - "Home" vs. Penn St. Nittany Lions

First game of the season. First game of the Scott Shafer Era. Against Penn State. PENN. STATE. And it might even be winnable. Seriously, leave your Syracuse diploma and Real Whatever Wear Orange t-shirt with us. They're going in the incinerator.

May your first child be a Syracuse child...