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Ron Morris' Rejected A.P. Men's Basketball Ballot: The Top Ten

You all know by now that Ron Morris of The State is a different kind of voter in the Associated Press' men's basketball poll. He dances to the beat of his own drummer (a drummer that, presumably, only has one stick and has a mild form of Parkinson's Disease). You can't fault him for that, I am told, because he is an American and it's impossible for Congress -- according to the Constitution or something -- to legislate against stupidity.

What you don't know, though, is that the original ballot that Morris submitted to the A.P. for consideration this week didn't even have Syracuse in the top ten. I'm serious, guys. The original ballot that Morris submitted was actually rejected and he was told by the powers that curate the poll that he'd have to resubmit his rankings. What resulted was the submission that holds Syracuse at the fourth spot, a fact that generated much outrage on this computer writing Internet page.

Lucky for you, I'm a top-notch investigative journalist. It's true! I have letters from important people that recognize my investigative journalism. As I'm such a great investigative journalist, I did some digging and actually got my hands on Morris' original ballot. Well, sort of. I was only able to pull together his top ten from the rejected ballot. What you see immediately below is that ballot, unedited, with his accompanying comments. It's important that investigative journalists like myself release this information to protect freedom or something.

Ron Morris' Rejected A.P. Men's Basketball Ballot: The Top Ten

1. UCLA: I'm a sucker for acronymed universities. Also, 88-game winning streak, no doink. I haven't seen anything that impressive since the wife and I marathoned through our DVR catalog of Two and a Half Men.

2. Two fer Tuesdays down at The Rusty Clam: I'm a man that likes his appletinis and you can't say 'No' when Ol' Lester starts slingin' 'em at half price. I thought about putting Kentucky here, but I haven't seen them as much as the bottom of The Rusty Clam's martini glasses.

3. Death Metal Rooster: Rock is king, of course. I also loved the effort I saw out of that future Kenny Rogers roaster.

4. Clown Shoes: You can't match the comfort of these puppies.

5. 1968: Great year. You should've been there. Moveable type was king, I tell you. Saw that fellow at Cincinnati -- Or was it Rice? I don't remember. -- pull a quadruple-double in a game played outdoors in the Alaskan wilderness in the dead of winter. A grizzly bear was the referee and really called it square. It made an impression on me, that year did. I'll never forget it.

6. Lehman Brothers: They're too big to fail, don't you know, and they've had a hell of a run. That goes a long way in my book. Just my opinion, though.

7. Fidel Castro: He survived almost 700 assassination attempts in his life. Name me another school in the country with that kind of survivability? Didn't think you could, college boy.

8. NATO: Best defense I've seen since Bill Russell was keeping the Krauts out of San Francisco.

9. Pop Tarts: I can have dessert as breakfast?!? Well, now I've seen everything. Can't discount that kind of ingenuity, I tell you.

10. Hypercolor T-Shirts: Not only are they a great value -- Two shirts in one! -- they're probably from the future, brought back to us by retail scientists on their time machine hoverboards. Ol' Roy over there at Carolina can't recruit that kind of stuff, no sir.

With all due respect, of course, to EDSBS' Schnellenberger rankings.