CICERO, NY - Buffalo Wild Wings fired Cicero location bartender Chet Sanders after he failed to heed company policy and order overtime in the Syracuse Orange's victory over the West Virginia Mountaineers on Saturday after a patron made a comment wishing the game would go to extra time.
Patron Bert Germaine was sitting at the bar with his friend, Herb Berford, when he told Berford that he hoped the Syracuse - West Virginia game would go into overtime.
"I was there to root for my favorite generic green team but the Syracuse game was on the big screen," said Germaine. "I saw the score was close and I started thinking, I really don't want to go home yet. My wife will nag me, my stupid kids will be stupid and I'll have to walk the damn dog. I was like, hell to da naw, you know? I just want to hang here with my best bud wearing our matching white, long-sleeve undershirts in a bar full of multicultural sports fans and and an inordinate amount of attractive women for a while longer. Is that so much to ask?"
Sanders was tending bar only feet from Germaine. Company policy dictates that Sanders then activate the Buffalo Wild Wings mole operating inside the Carrier Dome, who would then, through a complicated system of strings and pullies, force the game into overtime. That activation never came.
"On the first day I was hired, they taught us three things," Sanders told reporters. "One, push the hand-spun wings, even though it's a ridiculous made-up phrase. Two, when someone orders Bud Light, upsell to Heineken. It's classier. And three, use the shadowy Buffalo Wild Wings network of moles, spies and assassins to your benefit. The longer people eat wings, the better your tips."
"I just didn't feel right determining the outcome of athletic contests because some douchebag hates his kids, that's all."
When Buffalo Wild Wings regional manager Jim "Big Winger" Lazenby was notified that "Directive BWW One" wasn't followed, he said he no choice but to fire Sanders.
"We at Buffalo Wild Wings strive for impeccable customer service above all else. If you want the game to into overtime, we will make it happen. If you want a bottomless trough of buffalo wings and a bib, by God we'll give you that to. If you want your stupid kids killed, we have guys stationed at stadia across this entire country willing to do that for a nominal fee as well. The customer is king."
Lazenby said that Sanders has been on probation since a similar incident when a bar patron wanted the Syracuse - Toledo football game to go into overtime, which it did not.
Sanders says he has no regrets and is glad Syracuse escaped with the 63-61 victory over West Virginia.
"The West Virginia coach looks like my eighth-grade gym teacher. And I hated her."
Lazenby added that customers shouldn't expect the same treatment the next time they're in Buffalo Wild Wings.
"I assure you if you want to ruin a basketball game, we can make it happen. Tim Higgins, Jim Burr and Karl Hess aren't out there working every game for their health."