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We soldier on, because, well, I'm in charge and that's what we're doing. Do you want me to turn this blog around? I will, dammit, my hand to God.
In case you have no idea what's going on here, this little snippet from Part I should help you out:
This weekend just isn't about celebrating U.S. independence, though. No way, homeslice. This weekend is all about preparing for football tailgating season. You see, there's only 62 days until Syracuse squares off against Wake Forest in the Carrier Dome. This is your last best chance to mimic the pressure of a live tailgating experience: You need to feed and quench the thirst of throngs of interlopers; if you blow it, you pretty much ruin the entire day, you selfish Larry.
In short, you need to get the kinks worked out this weekend or else you could very well find yourself in the tailgating basement and completely out of tailgating title contention before the start of October. The stakes are huge.
Aaron Goldfarb is riding shotgun, providing beer selections from New York State to accompany the fare.
SLIDERS
Alright, I lied a little bit about "no burgers." I'm a pretty skinny dude; at about 6'1", 160 pounds, I wouldn't last more than a few seconds in a competitive eating contest. After polishing off a burger, I've pretty much sated my appetite.
The beauty of sliders, though, is that even I can eat a few of them. And as I have F.A.D.D (food attention deficit disorder), I can get my variety in. That's why I like sliders at a tailgate and barbeque over straight quarter-pounders: I can chow and chow lavishly.
So, instead of straight beef sliders, try chicken, or shaved steak, or crabcakes, or salmon, or tuna steak, or pork tenderloin, or portobello mushroom. Mix up your toppings with jalapenos, or a cole slaw, or raw/sauteed onions, or even a fresh guacamole. Use your creativity, people. Your mouth will thank you later.
Aaron Goldfarb's New York State Beer Suggestion . . .
This saison may pour fizzy as champagne and smell like some freshly picked flowers, but it sure packs a punch. The hop bite and carbonation is good for cooling down spicier slider varieties, but its lighter body makes it versatile enough to pair with really anything. Its high-drinkability yet 7.6% ABV means you'll stand a good chance of soon being so loaded you're using the gorgeous bottle as a bowling pin when an impromptu game springs up in the bowling alley also known as Marshall Street.
BEEF AND CHICKEN KABOBS
This has become my go-to move over the last five years for tailgating, and it's actually a perfect afternoon selection on the grill. It's impossible to screw this up. Even idiots that make small explosions while toasting bread are, like, "Easy, homeboy!"
Like wings, the attention should be paid to your accompaniments, specifically the marinades. I like to mix them up with a lemon-sesame, spicy asian-barbeque, and a citrus-spice mojo. Again, the beauty is that it all can be done the night before and is a quick grilling, ideal for those 8:00 P.M. Friday starts or those dreaded nooners.
Also, pay attention to your vegetables. Onions, peppers, radishes, tomatoes . . . keep it fresh and always coat them with olive oil.
Aaron Goldfarb's New York State Beer Suggestion . . .
Blue Moon is the NIT of wheat beers. A faux-beer like the National Invitational is a faux-tournament that no one nationally truly wants an invite to (save Rutgers). Drink a wheat beer that's real, something full-bodied, something with some actual bite. This upstate hoppy wheat brew pairs perfectly with kabobs of all types. Except vegetable ones. You might as well stay indoors if you're just planning to eat vegetables on a stick.
SPINACH DIP AND MEGA DEATH NACHOS
As a side dish to a bigger offering or as a stand-alone appetizer-ganza, you go with spinach dip and nachos and they will take you to Valhalla. The allure of the spinach dip is that its a pressure cooker special for the night before; all you need to do is heat up some pita the next day on the grill and you're in business.
The mega death nachos is just a messy delight for the parking lot or your backyard. Get some beef on the grill and work it like a man. Load it up with everything you can get your grubby hands on and prepare for a gaseous lift off. Don't mind the ladies around you; you earned this intestinal nightmare.
Aaron Goldfarb's New York State Beer Suggestion . . .
This French-style beer from a Belgian-style brewery based in . . . Cooperstown . . . is great with nachos, spinach dip, or, hell, an entire sampler platter of the kind of dips and shit you only get at places that call these grease-bombs "starters." Plus, the label kinda looks like the greatest basketball logo we've ever had.
EGG SANDWICHES
You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning. That's my mantra.
And you can't start drinking in the morning unless you get some breakfast in you (unless you're a Connecticut fan with no future; then, yeah, just start with bourbon at 7:00 A.M. and drink until the unemployment check comes in the mail). I like the egg sandwich as the starter, but try and give it some liveliness. You'll have the urge to go with ham, sausage,or bacon as the meats, but how about some capicola with some goat cheese?
You're a handsome devil. Eat like it.
Aaron Goldfarb's New York State Beer Suggestion . . .
No worthwhile Syracuse fan would dare waste his time in the hoity-toit Hamptons, though it's fun to think about Derrick Coleman throwing some rich scenesters through the window of a valet stand, but I digress. The Hamptons, surprisingly, has a great brewery and this is their most famous beer, a light and zesty witbier that's the perfect way to start the day.
DESSERT
Yeah, so, I'm not eating dessert at a tailgate or at an Independence Day picnic. It ain't happening, mister. After I finishing chowing, it's on to the sauce for an experience that I'll likely never remember but the court reporter eventual will. Which brings me to . . .
Aaron Goldfarb's New York State Beer Suggestion . . .
Nothing is more American than apple pie, except for maybe drinking highly-alcoholic beers. So why not kill two Hoyas with one stone and suck on some . . .
CAPTAIN LAWRENCE GOLDEN DELICIOUS
An apple-brandy-barreled Belgian tripel which tastes as good as it sounds and would be the perfect beer to put you to sleep well before the fireworks start launching on Independence Day.
One final point: you might notice noneof these beer recommendations are from local Syracuse breweries, even though our fine city-state has two pretty good ones (Middle Ages and Empire Brewing Co.) Well, I refuse to recommend anything from these two until the duo make one particular beer: THE JIM BOEHEIMIAN PILSNER.
This old-fashioned-styled beer is crisp and slightly bitter (and will cause you to explode in press conferences if you drink enough of it). It would be the perfect summer brew to get you in a relaxed zone. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist.
Come on Middle Ages and/or Empire. Get your shit together and put Jimmy Arthur on the only thing more prestigious than a Wheaties box -- a beer bottle.
You can pick up Goldfarb's novel HOW TO FAIL: THE SELF-HURT GUIDE right here. You can buy my book never, because there's a better chance that I get a show on Food Network before I ever finish it.
What are you throwing on the grill this weekend/during football season?