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Syracuse University Needs A Kronum Team

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What if I told you there was a new game for the new era of modern athletes? Do you want a sport that pushes you to the limit? Would you want to learn more about that game? You're God damn right you would.

I give you, Kronum.

Let's discuss.

Watching that video, I felt a little bit like I was watching the sports version of the SNL commercial for Taco Town. In fact, I think it's an extremely fair thing to say that Kronum is the 'SNL commercial for Taco Town' of sports.

From what I can gather, Kronum is mixture of soccer, lacrosse, rugby and basketball. It's a good strategy because anytime you're trying to create the next big American sport, you definitely want it to resemble at least three fringe sports most Americans don't care about already.

Each Kronum team consists of 10 players. Trying to think about Syracuse athletes who might make good Kronumers (Kronumators? Kronumskulls?), I'm going with...

  • John Galloway and Rick Jackson in the goals.
  • Scoop Jardine and Brandon Triche for ball movement and dribbling.
  • Jovan Miller, Stephen Keogh and Jojo Marasco for power shots and ball movement.
  • Kris Joseph and Mookie Jones for long-range finesse shots and eight-pointers (kronums).
  • Ross Krautman for his precision kicking in the Wedge Zone.

Right now there are eight "pro" Kronum teams, though for the life of me I can't figure out where they play. Obviously, the Nimble Jacks are my favorites. I was hoping to find out there's some long-lost SU lacrosse player on one of the teams but I couldn't figure that out either.

I suppose we'll know for sure when we start our own team. The Orange Jimblies. That's the name I'm throwing out there.