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Tutorial: How To Get Retweeted By Dion Waiters

@dionwaiters3 give me an RT! all these people are just now recognizing your talent. I have been your biggest fan since you came to cuse!
Dec 23 via webFavoriteRetweetReply

Hello Syracuse Orange fan and/or Independent Dion Waiters Supporter.

Congratulations. You support Dion Waiters, sophomore guard for the Syracuse basketball team. Great news! Syracuse just won a basketball game, which means Dion is going to jump on Twitter any minute now and start handing out retweets like a Mardi Gras parader throwing beads to the crowd.

However, Dion isn't going to just retweet you on principle. For every person Dion retweets, millions of adoring fans go untweeted (roughly).

So how can you shine through the clutter and get that Dion Waiter's Signature Retweet that you so desperately crave?

Here's how:

1) Include Dion's screenname in your fawning tweet.

It sound too simple but so many folks take to Twitter to tell Dion how great he is and forget to make sure they're talking directly to @dionwaiters3. Dion doesn't go looking for compliments, compliments come to him. If you want yours to reach him, it better show up in personal Activity feed.

2) Tell Dion what a great job he did tonight.

Tweeting "Hey @dionwaters3, you suck hot monkey dung" just isn't going to get you a retweet. Sorry. Instead, change up your tactic by telling Dion that he's a "never ending highlight mix in the making" or that he is the "6th man of the year."Dion doesn't get the hype he deserves, apparently, so make sure he knows about it. I mean, that fade-away jumper is art, so...

3) Tell Dion he is your favorite player.

As he always notes, Dion is very humble. But that doesn't mean you have to be humble on his behalf.

4) Tell Dion it's your birthday.

Dion is nothing if not giving. If it's your birthday, he will bestow gifts upon thee.

5) Compare him to Dwayne Wade or Kobe Bryant

Dion considers himself a big fan of D-Wade. He also considers himself a big fan of Dion Waiters. Combine the two? You've got yourself a retweet.

6) Just flat-out ask him for a RT

K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple, Stupid.

7) Complain about how Dion Waiters hasn't retweeted you yet.

Passive-aggressive retweet requests are great for getting Dion's attention. It's also a great way to go through life. Everyone appreciates it.

8) Tell Dion there's money involved.

Did you place a bet as to whether or not Dion will retweet you? Let Dion know and make sure you send him a 10% kickback.

9) Get Meta

Reference the fact that Dion retweets a lot in your tweet requesting a retweet and he's sure to retweet it. That's some Matrix-type s*** right there. Whoa...

10) Just Make Up Cool-Sounding Facts

Is this true? Of course not. Since when weren't people recruiting South Philly? But it sounds awesome to Dion and that's what's important.


Congrats! By following these simple rules, you've just upped your chances of getting retweeted by Dion Waiters from 97% to an amazing 99.9%!