We're all aware that this New Era Pinstripe Bowl End Zone Freeze Dried Sod w/ Glass Display Case is just dirt, right? We understand that when we pay $59.99 plus shipping and handling for this we're paying $59,99 plus shipping and handling for dirt, yes?
"But Sean, don't you get it? This is ENDZONE dirt. This could very well be the patch of dirt that Adrian Hilburn was standing on when he saluted! The moment that changed everything! Or maybe it's the patch of sod that Marcus Sales was standing on when he made the Diamond symbol with his hands that we're not supposed to talk about or acknowledge happened!"
But it's probably not, you know? And even if it were, it's still dirt.
"But Sean, for the rest of time people will remember the glorious Pinstripe Bowl and any kind of memorabilia from it will be more valuable than the cryogenically-frozen head of Ernie Davis!"
But we're going to do so much more than just win the Pinstripe Bowl, brah. Two years from now, we'll look at playing in the Pinstripe Bowl the way we look at playing in the New Orleans Bowl today. There's going to be Champs Sports dirt and Orange Bowl dirt and National Championship game dirt to collect. DON'T BLOW YOUR DIRT-COLLECTING LOAD JUST YET!
"But Sean, it's my discretionary income. I can do with it as I please."
You're right. You can absolutely buy this dirt for $60. It's your right and I would never intrude on that. When Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin and Barack Obama, Sr. founded this nation, they did so with the knowledge that they were creating a country that stood for the God-given right of life, liberty, love and man's ability to own as much freeze-dried dirt as humanely possible. If not for them, the King of England could just barge into your home and take all your freeze-dried dirt whenever he pleased. God Bless America.
Anyway, the point is there's dirt for sale. Go buy it. You could always use more.