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Chipotle Stalks Orange Nation Like A Wolf Stalking A Lamb

The greatest shame of the whole Taco Bell "meat" scandal is that it makes Chipotle look that much better. And I assure you, Chipotle is not on the side of good. It is on the side of evil. It's burritos might not contain the same amount of silicon dioxide as Taco Bell, but it contains 500% "evil dioxide." That's science, look it up on a website.

The fact of the matter is, Chipotle officially announced that they were coming to Marshall Street on January 18th. That means on Janaury 17th, a press release had been written, decisions had been made and Chipotle-related intentions had been put out into the Universe.

It is then no coincidence that Syracuse suffered its first loss of the season on January 17th. And every day that Chipotle continues its plans for SU domination is another day that Syracuse's basketball team has not won. We were 18-0 before Chipotle made it official, we are 0-4 since. What more do I have to show you to make you believe me?

Well, how bout this?


Yes it does.

UConn is next up and that's no comfort to Syracuse fans, Chipotle or no Chipotle. Unlike every other opponent, however, the Huskies are harnessing the evil power of the barbacoa for their own gain. The UConn Blog is taking the Chipotle Challenge, whereby they'll be eating Chipotle every day of the week before the game Wednesday. They've already packed on enough calories to qualify as a contestant on The Biggest Loser, so I suppose that's the silver lining.

That and maybe, just maybe, their wanton disregard for the menacing power of Chipotle will transfer the curse from Syracuse to UConn. If the Orange win, then perhaps that means that The Angry Chipotle Gods will have turned their attention East to our rival for their insolence.

In the meantime, you know what you can do. Number one, NO CHIPOTLE THIS WEEK. We're all in this together, people. Number two, if you can find a way to destroy any number of Chipotle burritos (and put said destruction on film), you will be doing your part. Making that kind of offering has worked in the past. I can't do it alone, though.