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Report: Big East Invites Gulf Oil Spill To Join Conference

Gulf Oil Spill's current football helmet design.
Gulf Oil Spill's current football helmet design.

PROVIDENCE, RI - Looking to make a splash after its BCS counterparts expanded and reorganized all week, the Big East Conference made what many are calling a "slick" move by announcing today that they have extended an invitation to the Gulf Oil Spill to join the Conference as its 9th football member.

The Oil Spill, which is technically still the property of oil giant BP, did not immediately say whether the invitation would be accepted, but it would give serious consideration to the offer.

Big East Conference commission John Marinatto was confident that the invitation, last seen floating off the coast of Leeville, Louisana, would be accepted.

"The addition of the Gulf Oil Spill as the Conference’s 9th football member would strengthen the Big East's goals of expanding our reach to the recruit-rich Florida and Gulf Coast regions," said Marinatto. "The Gulf Oil Spill is a great fit for our basketball side as well, providing Rick Pitino and Steve Lavin with all the haircare product they'll ever need."

The Big East had reportedly shown interest in Memphis and Central Florida as a way to shore up its football membership and raise it's numbers to ten teams.  However, when the upstart Oil Spill spread onto the scene, Big East officials were enamored with its recent success and the work it's doing to maintain it's supremecy over the region for years to come.

"We've already seen what it can do against the Seagulls, Fish and Shrimp," says ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit. "I can't wait to see what it does with Panthers, Cardinals and Bulls."

BP officials say the Gulf Oil Spill quickly become frustrated about its inability to find suitable opponents in the Gulf region.  This move to the Big East is a step towards remedying that and providing the Spill with a stepping stone to the National Title game.

"For the Gulf Oil Spill, this is about one thing and one thing only.  Winning championships," said BP spokesperson David Lanier.  "Well, that and spreading its oily tentacles as far as possible, destroying all signs of life and nature in its path.  So I guess that's two things, really."

Some conference members have voiced concerns about the Oil Spill's impact to the environment.  However, Marinatto doesn't see it as an issue.

"Honestly, the Gulf Oil Spill hasn't done anything damaging to the surrounding area that UConn hasn't already been doing to Storrs for years.  And somehow, it already has a better academic ranking than West Virginia." 

The Gulf Oil Spill is expected to join the Big East for the 2011-2012 season and has no plans of dissipating anytime soon.