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How To Grow An Orange: Now On Sale!

how to grow an orange
how to grow an orange


A friend of mine once determined that you don't really have the right to call yourself a writer until you've written something in a tangible medium such as a newspaper or a book and received money to do so.  I can understand the idea of what he was trying to say but then again when you really think about it, it's pretty dumb.  A writer is a writer because they write and an audience reads their writings.  Whether you make Stephen King money or never see a cent, that's hardly the way to go about defining the person doing the writing.

That said, despite four years of running this site and over 5,000 stories or posts, I guess this officially makes me a writer.  The book is ready.

HOW TO GROW AN ORANGE: The Right Way To Brainwash Your Child Into Becoming A Syracuse Fan is now on sale. 

The book is available at, an e-book publisher.  It should be available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and a bunch more sites soon but for the time being this is the only spot to buy it.

Let's answer some questions:

What kind of formats are the book available in?

The book is available for various e-book formats, including Kindle, Nook, Stanza, Sony Reader, Aldiko & Palm.  It can also be downloaded as an HTML version if you just want to read the book online as well as PDF for those who want to download and print out. (Note: it might ask you which version of the book you want to buy.  You want the version called 2010-05-20 10:08:08.  I'm working on fixing that in the meantime).

How much is it?

The book retails for $9.99.  Because I'm so awesome I created a coupon code for 10% off for TNIAAM readers and early-purchasers.  Use code RW75Q at checkout.

What the hell is it about again?

Being a parent is hard, right? Make the wrong decisions and your child can grow up to do something terrible, like root for Georgetown. How To Grow An Orange shows every parent how to make sure that never providing them with everything they could ever possibly want to know about Syracuse University sports. No Orange fan should be without this guide to the people, places and history of SU.

Who is the book appropriate for?

Anyone?  Everyone?  More specifically, any Syracuse fan, alumni, current student or incoming student will want this handy-dandy guide on hand.  Not only to provide them with info they need but also as a reference guide when someone says "No, I'm pretty sure Jim Boeheim has been at the University since 1892."  Now, you can show them how they're wrong.  Just barely.

Who isn't the book appropriate for?

Georgetown & UConn fans probably won't appreciate much of it.  It's also a little salty so probably not the best gift for a five-year-old.  And I'd advise against Greg Robinson purchasing a copy.  Otherwise, every other person on the planet will enjoy it.

How long is it?

That actually depends on the format you read it in.  It changes based on whether or not you're reading it on a specific e-book format, printing out, etc.  It came out to roughly 210 pages when I was writing it.

Will there be a print version?

Maybe?  Possibly?  At the moment, no, but down the road I might make that happen.  Been so busy finishing this version I haven't even had a chance to sort that out.

I love the book cover, can I get a poster of that?

Yes!  You can head over here and get a version of Michael Borkowski's cover that's up to 16x24 inches big.

I want to share with other people, any way to get a referral fee?

Always needs to be something in it for you, huh?  Well actually you can make a little scratch promoting the book.  If you sign up for Smashwords affiliate program, you'll be able to create a link to the book that enables you to make 11% of each sale generated by you.  So, roughly $1.00 each.  Doesn't sound like much but could add up if you're a real hustler.

Can I see more of what the book entails?

JESUS, YOU'RE A NUDGE.  Fine, here's the Table of Contents so you can get a feel for the chapters and what's inside.

1. An Introduction - Attending Syracuse
2. Give Them A History Lesson - The People & Places Of Syracuse
3. Teach Them To Love The Color Orange. And If They Complain, Remind Them How Much Worse It Could Have Been
4. Make The SU Fight Song Play In Their Crib On Endless Loop
5. Bring Them Up On A Steady Diet Of Oranges And Saltines
6. Get "44" Tattooed On The Back Of His Hand
7. Teach Them To Remember The Past While Appreciating The Present, Even When Eating A Dome Dog
8. Let Them Know Their Hansens From Their Sidat-Singhs From Their Boeheims
9. Never Ever Tell Them About The Greg Robinson Era
10. Teach Them The Numbers That Matter Most
11. Give Them Lots of Brothers And Put Lacrosse Sticks In Their Cribs
12. Make Them Understand The Importance Of Hating People Who Wear Different Color
T-Shirts Than You 13. If You're Not Already, Become One Of The Chosen People
14. It's As Simple As Teaching Them The ABCs
15. Hold All Their Birthday Parties At The Varsity
16. Take Then To An SU Bowl Game (Assuming They Ever Go Back To One)
17. Give Them A Top Hat, A Cane, Some Dancing Shoes And Point Them Towards Show Business
18. Make Them Burn Effigies Of Pat Dye In The Backyard
19. Name Them After A Famous Syracuse Athlete Or Personality
20. Force Them To Read Syracuse Blogs, Cause, You Know, These Google Ads Ain't Clicking On Themselves
21. Make The Express Their Favorite Movie. Better yet, Make The Express Their Favorite Book
22. Point Out That, If They Hear A Voice Or See A Talking Head, It Probably Came From SU
23. Stock Their DVD Collection With The "Essentials"
24. Promise Them The Chance To Tell Their Own Stories

Alright, you're armed with all the info you could possibly need.  And thanks to anyone who purchases the book.  It's been a long time coming, longer than I care to admit.  To show you how far back we go, the book idea actually began as a season-long recap of the 2008 football season. 

I was going to follow Gregger's final season and all it's "glory."  I actually even got a lit agent to help me push the proposal out.  To a T, every single publisher responded the same way.  Love the proposal but no one wants to buy a book about their own team that's depressing.  Given the topic, that qualified.

So back the drawing board I went and I thought about what kind of book Syracuse fans WOULD want to read.  And here we are.  Hope you enjoy it.