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Yesterday we addressed your tailgate cuisine. It's settled: You're eating some bologna whether it will kill you where you stand or otherwise. Today we're going to address the other cornerstone to a solid Syracuse tailgate: The sauce.
Now, let me make something abundantly clear: I do not support or condone underage drinking. Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician and the fine men and women at SB Nation also toe that policy line. So, don't blame me when some punk kid from Sadler Hall vomits all over you and your delightful family up in Section 320. It isn't my fault.
With that said, I'm a fan of consumption and will likely die from it. So it goes. If you're brave enough to follow in my footsteps, however, I'd strongly consider serving the following at your Connecticut-Syracuse super fete du football awesome. (Note: My French is terrible. I may have just told you to repair your transmission.)
THE EDSALL SURPRISE
Ingredients:
- 1 12-ounce glass bottle.
- 12 ounces of flammable substance, preferably gasoline or napalm.
- 1 flammable rag or other cloth paraphernalia.
- 1 lighter.
Preparation: Pour flammable substance into glass bottle. Stuff flammable rag into the top of the glass bottle. Ignite with lighter. DO NOT CONSUME THE COCKTAIL. I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure that drinking a lit bottle of gasoline is a bad idea. I know that they do weird stuff in the circus, but even Cirque du Soliel is, like, "Aucun moyen, mon frere."
Rather, this cocktail is intended to be thrown at Randy Edsall post-Syracuse victory as a political statement. Specifically, it conveys the message of, "You went against the family! Now you're a burn victim! Are we square? Good!"
Lifestyle Quotient: Felonious, if you want to get technical. But then again, being a political prisoner isn't the worst thing in the world, right?
THE PASQUALONI
Ingredients:
- Jameson Irish Whiskey.
- Jefferson's Reserve Bourbon Whiskey.
- Wild Turkey 101.
Preparation: Pour and take a shot of Jameson. Pour and take a shot of Jefferson's. Pour and take a shot of Wild Turkey.
Lifestyle Quotient: The cocktail -- a tiering of consumption rather than a single shot -- starts out pretty good. You're feeling ebullient, at a state of ease. You then move to the Jefferson's. "Smooth," you say. "Just as things are intended to be." You then move to the Wild Turkey. "What the hell happened?" you mutter. "This is unacceptable!"
You then decide that you've had enough with this and it's time to move on to another drink, hoping for a better experience. Often combined with THE ROBINSON, a concoction combining a shot of Calcutta sewer water and a shotgun blast to the face.
THE MARRONE
Ingredients:
- Any kind of alcohol.
Preparation: Pour alcohol into a dish. Bring to Doug Marrone for a blessing. Have his hand touch the alcohol, instantaneously turning the liquid untarnished and holy. Consume and feel the power of Marrone surge through your body. You are now prepared to win a Big East conference championship.
Lifestyle Quotient: An unparalleled religious experience.
Alright, bros and gal pals. Those are my suggestions. What's your advice? Leave 'em in the comments.