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Please, Guys, No Explosives In The Dome This Weekend

homeland security
homeland security

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times.  If you need to eat food out of your backpack while you play an electronic instrument while throwing a frisbee while on a skateboard, dragging a cooler...please do it BEFORE you enter the Dome.  It's people like you who ruin it for the rest of us.

Well, terrorists too.  But you're just as complicit.

Federal counter-terrorism officials recently put out some bulletins to local law enforcement agencies warning them about the possibility of potential terrorist attacks at stadiums.  Now as we all know, if the terrorists wanted to make a truly impactful statement, they would attack a college football game in the 83rd-largest media market in the nation that involves a 1-AA team and won't be nationally-televised.  Only THEN would their power be felt. 

And so...the Dome is stepping things up a notch on Saturday.

Prohibited items include all large bags, backpacks, duffel bags, food, beverages, video cameras, artificial noisemakers, air horns, electronic instruments, laser pointers, large signs, flags, banners, any type of ball, frisbees, animals (excluding certified service animals), skateboards, in-line skates, firearms, explosives, bottles, cans, and coolers or other containers, except in cases of medical needs certified by a physician.

Kenny Haas is screwed.  That's the entire contents of his duffel bag.  AND his duffel bag!

Oh, one thing they forgot to mention.  Anyone who tries to enter the Dome on Saturday not wearing an orange shirt or a white shirt with orange lettering or numbers, will not be prohibited inside.  Furthermore, they will be deported from New York State.

Thank you for your cooperation.