Hey Syracuse Students, Go Back To Long Island!

Back when Ed Helms was just a lowly Daily Show correspondant, he did a memorable piece of Jeremy Paul, a family-man who moved to San Francisco's Castro District and was shocked - SHOCKED! - to find many gay-themed businesses and celebrations in the area.

As the guy who refuses to stop putting dildos in his display window says, "We've been here for over 25 years.  It's the same as if a person moved into a home near an airport and then complained about the noise."

I bring this up because of a letter to the editor that appeared in this morning's Syracuse Post-Standard.  It's from Tracy Hopkins, a Syracuse resident who lives near the university, I'm guessing by Euclid, and is fed up with the late-night shenanigans that college students who live in the area are up to.

Contrary to popular SU theory, these residential neighborhoods are not the personal playground/zoo of the overgrown children you call students. This is the fifth night in a row we have been subjected to loud partying until 3 a.m. One member of my family is a professional who must get up at 6 a.m. and work 12 hours. Another is a middle-school student who must also function on a good night’s rest.

First up, please go check out the photo that accompanies the piece because it's FRICKING AWESOME, despite it's desired intent.

Second, I really wish you guys wouldn't have popularized that SU theory about the residential neighborhoods being the personal playground/zoo of the overgrown children you call students.  I told you that was going to backfire.  But you didn't listen.  You just wanted so desperately to be published in University Residential Neighborhood Theory Weekly.  Now look at what you've wrought...

So, yeah, Tracy...here's the thing.  I get what you're saying.  That does not sound fun.  As a professional and/or middle-school student myself, if I were to be woken up at 3am one night, let alone five in a row, I would be displeased as all get-up.  But there's one problem...

YOU LIVE NEXT TO A COLLEGE.  Furthermore...

YOU LIVE NEXT TO OR ON THE STREETS WHERE ALL THE COLLEGE KIDS LIVE.

I don't know when you moved there but chances are the college students were there first.  Just like Jeremy Paul and The Gays, you should have known what you were getting yourself into.  College kids are loud, boorish, obnoxious jerk-offs who only care about themselves.  They are, as you say, overgrown children.  And dammit, this is the only time in your life that is acceptable(ish).  You don't have the right to take that away from them.  No one does.  For them, the beer bong of life is filled with ice-cold Keystone and it's time to chug. Won't you let them chug?  WON'T YOU?!?!?

Of course, the real fun here isn't the letter.  It's the comment section, where a veritable war of the worlds has broken out.  It's pretty much the greatest thing you or I or anyone will read all day.  For example...

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Ms. Hopkins.

...

You could always go to their party and stab them, I suppose?

...

These kids will not shut up. They have been raised to believe the world revolves around them. More than one of them has told me that if not for SU there would be no Syracuse. SU is just a way to waste four years by partying it away. The school is nothing but a training camp for would be sport stars. I don't think the majority of students have any idea what a real education is.

...

I applaud you with writing this letter. I would call the police every night about a disturbance. I can bet many of these students are not of drinking age and they all can be arrested! Anyone up at this time of night is up to no good.

...

Unfortunately, you are dealing with a large population of students who come from what they believe, is the center of the universe...Long Island. What we know as a congested, overpriced, traffic-riddled extension of New York City where 15 year old girls routinely get boob-jobs at an attempt to look "pretty," they literally believe they were raised in paradise, where they make and break the rules, and daddy will get them off, should they be caught.

...

Do YOUR kid a favor and move! The schools stink near the campus!

...

These SU students are nothing but a bunch of obnoxious BRATS!! They do whatever they want, and when they are arrested they call Mommy and Daddy to get them a high-priced lawyer to get them out of trouble.

H/T: HockeyJoeGM