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Northwestern Philosophy: Geography stopped in roughly 1850. Washington is merely a figment of your imagination. #BeatNorthwestern.

Northwestern University: Offerring comprehensive classes in "Fatty Fatties" since 1850. #BeatNorthwestern

Purple affronts to Western Civilization: Barney the Dinosaur, Grimace from McDonald's, and Northwestern football. #BeatNorthwestern

Someday, I hope to move out west and enjoy the sun, sand, and Pacific Ocean to which Northwestern University overlooks. #BeatNorthwestern.

#BeatNorthwestern because pizza should be thin and the sauce should be under the cheese

#BeatNorthwestern cause directional schools are the leading cause of heart disease in America.

The only good things to come out of Northwestern is Michael Wilbon and disappointment. #BeatNorthwestern

In life, failure is actually called "Pulling a Northwestern." #BeatNorthwestern

Remember when Northwestern was good? Yeah, me neither. #BeatNorthwestern

The "Chicago Seven" is actually a reference to Northwestern's greatest football campaign ever: 1-7-1 (1944). #BeatNorthwestern

#BeatNorthwestern cause making claws with your hands and going RAAAAAWR is unacceptable behavior

Northwestern calls it "research," but the police have a different name: "kid touching." #BeatNorthwestern

Evanston was a "dry" city between 1858 and 1972. They hope to end the ban on laughter by 2015. #BeatNorthwestern

Evaston, Illinois: The Town That Fun Forgot. #BeatNorthwestern

The dormatories at Northwestern are gender-specific as the administration classifies sex as "Icky!!!!!" #BeatNorthwestern

greg robinson would be considered a good coach at northwestern #beatnorthwestern

A Northwestern sandwich consists of bread, American cheese, lettuce, tomato, and a half-pound of crushing depression. #BeatNorthwestern

Jeremy Piven went to Northwestern. I rest my case. #BeatNorthwestern