Hey Everybody, It's Pit-Pat!

So the Three Idiots discovered the existence of some kind of new, strange, half-fruit-half-animal Otto-abomination that seems to be popping up now in Syracuse merchandise. Rather than try to figure out what it is, let's just imagine for a second how it came to exist in the first place.

INT. - MANLEY FIELD HOUSE - BUNKER

Athletics Director DOCTOR DARYL GROSS, Basketball Coach JIM BOEHEIM & Football Coach DOUG MARRONE are seated around a boardroom table.  Boeheim and Marrone are visibly sweating. 

BOB and DAVID, two consultants, enter.

Bob looks at the sign on the wall that reads SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY: We Own Everything So You Don't Have To and says...

BOB

Gentlemen, THIS isn't gonna work anymore.

DAVID

Syracuse University owns 29% of Central New York...

BOB

...and the University sells 1,945 different pieces of merchandise.

DAVID

Syracuse produces 83 NEW pieces of merchandise per minute.

BOB

But there's a problem...people don't like Syracuse and it's...2,023 different products.

DAVID

(looking at DOC Gross)

The perception is that this company is a monster...

BOB

(also looking at DOC Gross)

...a beast...

DAVID

...a cold, heartless, smelly vehement...

BOB

...run by a greedy, fat...

DAVID

...fat-headed fattypants!

BOB

A fatso!

Doc Gross angrily stands up.

DOC GROSS

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!  THIS UNIVERSITY CARES!  WE WERE IN THE PEOPLE BUSINESS WHEN YOU WERE IN SHORT PANTS. 

(walks over to Boeheim and Marrone, touches both on the shoulder)

Erastus Otis Haven started this University with one single, rickety, leaky, hand-crafted slave ship and a simple motto.  People Teaching People But Not All People.

(turns to Bob & David)

SO DON'T TELL ME THAT I'M FAT!

Bob& David look at each other, smile.

DAVID

(to Doc Gross)

Did...did...we offend you?

BOB

Good!

DAVID

Now we have your attention and we have to win you over.

BOB

Just like you have to win over potential season-ticket holders.

DOC GROSS

(begrudgingly)

Continue...

BOB

Cute, friendly, lovable.

DAVID

Three things you are not.  But you know who is?

Bob reaches into his bag and pulls out a tiny Orange bear-looking doll.

BOB

PIT-PAT!  SYRACUSE'S NEW MASCOT!

DAVID

Pit-Pat!  A magical, pan-sexual, non-threatening spokes-thing!

From there, Bob & David show Gross, Boeheim and Marrone a series of commercials featuring Syracuse products and Pit-Pat!  I think it went down a little like this...

Don't know about you but I cannot wait for Grandma Marrone's Biscuit Powder.