People Who Blog In Mother's Basement Unfairly Portrayed By Media, Athletes

AP -  Basement Bloggers For America president Larson Swinedale expressed pain on Friday at seeing bloggers who live in or blog from their or their mother's basement portrayed negatively by the media and professional athletes.

"The media has painted the basement blogging community with a broad, wide-ranging brush as intolerant of other forms of media, bitter, angry, judge-y, ranty, sarcastic, smelly, uncooth, nasal-y, uppity, n00bish, festering with open sores, FAIL-oriented and pimple-faced, complained Swinwdale in his commentary posted on BasementBloggersForAFairShake.com.

But that is just based on "stereotypical ideas" derived from the "extreme and not the norm" of what basement bloggers are.

Swindale's comments are in response to the controversy surrounding recent hate-infused sound bites from athletes that have circulated on the Internet and through media outlets. Local newspaper columnists are practically tripping over themselves for the opportunity to dig in to the fresh wounds of the "blogger vs. media" debate and the BBFA wants to stay ahead of the story.

Last week, when Phillies outfielder Raul Ibanez felt his credibility has been attacked by a blogger, he lashed out by saying, "There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother's basement. It demeans everything you've done with one stroke of the pen."

It has since been confirmed that the blogger in question, Jerod Morris, does not in fact live in his mother's basement, nor any room in her residence.  His actual home, which he owns, does not include a basement. 

"Morris' speculations were his own and the idea that a basement blogger was involved makes us seem extremely crass" says Will Simmons, owner of the blog YourMomRidesMyDickJauran.com and writes under the screenname ChicagoWhiteCox.

Then there was former North Carolina center Tyler Hansbrough who, when questioned about his draft status this past week, fell back onto hateful, millenia-old basement-blogger putdowns.

"These are probably a bunch of guys who just sit in their basements and probably just write out mock drafts and do this or do that," said Hansbrough.

"Hansborough's reaction was flat out blogist.  And you can write that.  I think he's blogist." said Bill Leech, editor of WeeWillieMcGee.org.  "I plan on writing as much on my site.  I'm currently deciding whether or not to photoshop his head onto the body of Susan Boyle or Britney Spears when she was chubby.  We'll see." 

Chad Ford, ESPN's resident mock draft expert, did not return phone calls to verify if he lives in his mother's basement, or anyone's basement for that matter.

The misconception that seems to live on is that basement bloggers are an exclusive bunch, unwilling to share their fortunes or Hot Pockets with others.  Not so, says Swinedale.

"Most, if not all, predominantly mother-owned basements are open to all, not just to bloggers.  They're for anyone who is seeking an outlet, a sounding board, open forum, place to vent, place to share gossip, place to voice their vitrolic hate for complete strangers based on the laundry they wear and place to post flat-out lies about those same people just for the chance to anonymously and negatively impact their lives in some small way.

"You know...fans."

Swinedale notes that although Basement Bloggers For America is predominantly "pretty cool guys," it also includes some n00bs, one or two neeks and even one tool.

Some mainstream media members still fail to see the difference between a blogger that lives and blogs above-ground and those who dwell underground.

"I don't care where they do it, bloggers are the disease and local sports columnists are the cure," says Syracuse Picayune columnist Berry Haberdasher.  "Sports are supposed to be digested in choppy, one-sentence paragraphs meant to seem like thought-inducing poetic bursts, chock-a-block with references from the 70's, jokes that stopped being funny even before then and "told-you-so-cause-I'm-smarter-than-you" exclamations.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write my daily online column about how horrible blogs are."

Basement-based blogger E.J. Dalenzio just asked for a little patience and hope from the general public.

"I implore you to not take the words of a few and depict the thoughts, hearts and motives of many," the influential blogger of DonovanMcGabb.net pleaded,  "Bloggers and the mainstream media are at a crossroads and...Mom, not now...I'm the middle of...yes, fine...hot fudge is fine.  Sorry, where was I?  Oh, right, I was saying...oh crap...Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Don't forget sprinkles!"