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Bury My Heart At Schine Center

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I love Syracuse sports but I'm gonna level with you.  When I die, there's about 47 things higher up on the list that I'm going to want to associate my carcass and/or ashes with before SU.  But...I know there are people out there who make such considerations, such as wanting to be buried in a casket with their team logo on it or having their ashes spread over the football field.  That's...fine.  And as long as there's money to be made off of it, universities will be more than happy to comply when they can.

And for schools that can't, like say Florida, they're looking to make it so:

[The University of Florida] wants to build what's called a columbarium — a structure with niches for the ashes of alumni — but there's a catch. Without the blessing of state lawmakers, the idea itself is dead. A bill that keeps the project alive passed its first committee Wednesday without objection.

"We feel like it would be meeting a need. I can't tell you how many people call," said Katie Marquis, the university's alumni association director of membership and marketing.

Quite literally, The University wants to be recognized as a cemetery.

Now, as far as I know Syracuse doesn't have such a policy (although the Carrier Dome has certainly smelled like death on recent Saturdays) but it all got me thinking.  What if Syracuse University was recognized as a place where dead folk were allowed to rest?  And let's say I was interested in spending eternity within it's walls.  Where would I want to be buried?

Underneath The Carrier Dome

Good idea but word is DOCTOR Gross has already booked the entire grounds for his mausoleum.  By then it'll be The Gross Dome anyway.

Underneath The Melo Center

If I hurry I can be part of the dry wall.

The Quad

Might be nice to have my ashes sprinkled over the quad but the idea of spending all of eternity divvied up between the bottom of some freshman's shoe and the inner rim of a hippie's Frisbee doesn't scream "appealing" to me.

Under The Taco Bell Stand At Kimmel

My body, mummified in a giant Gordita shell and smothered in three kinds of cheeses and globs of hot sauce.  It sounds delightful.  Honestly, I might try and do that while I'm still alive.

Bird Library

It's quiet and low-key.  But only if I have say in where I'm buried.  I don't want to be in one of those corners where the perverts go to masturbate.  You know the one, on the 2nd floor behind the Constitutional Law books.  I mean, I'm just assuming...

In the end, I think there's really only one place around campus that seems tranquil enough for my eternal rest while providing me with the security I need.

The ESF Quad

Ever try walking across that thing in the middle of the day?  Don't.  You'd get shanked by a guy in cargo pants faster than you could say "patchouli oil."