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They Still Make Maine?

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I once said that Maine was the most worthless state in the Union.  Just dangling out there in the Northeast corner like Canada's hanging booger just waiting to be flicked.  If only New Hampshire had the strength.

I said this to my college roommate born and raised in Rhode Island and, as I soon learned, this was my failing.  Apparently people from New England have some sort of strange bond, forged in lobster shells and maple, that is unbreakable.  Upon hearing my insult, he gave me a look of disgust that didn't say "Oh you" but more like "What the hell is a matter with you?"  I'm pretty sure he'd made fun of Maine once or twice.  But maybe it's like your crazy relative.  You can sit there and make fun of crazy Aunt Mitzy all day long but if someone outside your family does it, you defend crazy Aunt Mitzy to death.  "What did you say about Vermont?  I'll have you know the Green Mountain State's leading farm export is dairy...so what now???"  New Englanders, what can you do...

But seriously.  Why would you go to Maine?  And before you say "Lobster!," please, I can pick up the phone any time I want and have a Maine lobster on my doorstep the next day along with a little candy heart that say I Heart Lobster, which I would say is true if I'm willing to go through all that trouble for a lobster.

And it's so...stuck up there.  Even Wyoming is in a spot where you might just accidentally find yourself inside of it's borders from time to time.  Want to go from Nebraska to Idaho?  Guess what, you're going through Wyoming.  Tough shit.  The only reason to ever find yourself in Maine is because you actually want to go to Maine.  Which brings us back to the original point.  Full circles and such.

Of course, this is all just a roundabout way to bring up the fact that we're probably playing Maine next year in football.  And you thought Northeastern was an obscure choice...

Maine is scheduled to play Florida State on Sept. 5. However, the Seminoles are working with ESPN to play Miami on that date, which leaves Maine looking for another opponent.

"As of now, we're still under contract to play Florida State," said Doug DeBiase, the associate manager of athletic media relations at the University of Maine. "But it's looking like we're going to play Syracuse ..."

Donnie notes that the Orange are already scheduled to play Minnesota on September 5th.  No word on whether or not the Gophers will blink under the mighty gaze of the Black Bears or if we'll just stick Maine in the middle of the season like we did Northeastern last year.

Of course, the story wouldn't be complete without an extremely demoralizing stat that reminded us of the state of Syracuse football in recent years:

One of [Maine's 8] wins was a 20-0 shutout of Northeastern. The Orange defeated Northeastern last season 30-21.

Guess we're just lucky to catch Maine when we do.

By the way, is it just me or does the Maine mascot put the fear of God in you?  Jesus, I'm gonna have the night terrors tonight...