Michael Rothstein writes a column for the Journal-Gazette called Irish Insights. He might as well call the column Ammo For Everyone Else after his latest piece on what frightens Notre Dame players and coaches. Let's take a look at who fears what the most and how we can take advantage of that to influence a basketball game:
Coach: Coach Mike Brey
Fear Factor:Everyone sitting behind the Notre Dame bench simultaneously act like you're going down the big drop on the tallest rollercoaster in the world. I wanna hear that wwwwwwwWWWWWWWHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!!!! every five minutes.
Player: Zach Hillesland
Fear: "I don't like spiders."
Fear Factor: I want to see 100 rubber spiders dangling in front of him every time he takes a foul shot.
Fear: "Losing my parents."
Fear Factor: Get me Jack Bauer!!!
Player: Ryan Ayers
Fear Factor: See Spider one, rinse and repeat. FYI, his exact words were "Rats, oh my god." I picture his arms flailing vigourously.
Player: Kyle McAlarney
Fear: The Stay Puft Marshmellow Man
Fear Factor: MARSH. MELLOWS. NOW. And if anyone can figure out a way to make the costume, like this guy or this one or this one, DO IT. (Especially this one...it's John Wayne Gacy's Stay Puft!)
THIS IS A MORAL IMPERATIVE. If you do not dress like up like the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man and taunt Kyle McAlarney at the SU-ND game, you are putting Syracuse basketball at risk. And the terrorists will have won.